Inside Turtle

Legacy.

2010-01-31T23:47:00.000+11:00

I think I'm a little bit 'life-sick' tonight.

It could be that it's the night before I have to go back to work for the start of the school year. Or that I just spoke to my friend who recently married and moved to the other side of Australia. Thanks to the wonder of modern technology, I could see her and talk to her in real time. I got a tour of the house they're staying in, and watched a Western Australian sun set. And then I spoiled the Australian Open Men's Final for her by telling her that Federer had won. Thanks to a 3 hour time difference, she didn't know that.

And then I read some of the most amazing blog posts I've seen in a long time. About love, and the dawn of a new time, when there's a baby to arrive soon. The excitement and joy and magic of this time is all a bit overwhelming. And it's not even me experiencing it.

Personally, I feel overwhelmed at where I am right now in my own life. This time last year, I was anticipating my new job and marvelling at the changes to come. 2009 didn't go so well and it became a year of horrors that led to psychiatric evaluations and hospitals, medication and intensive treatments. For a long time, I was suicidal. There are moments I wish I could take away, pain I wish I could have spared and decisions that were simply stupid. There's a lot of regrets.

And as to any other story, there's the other side. The simple fact that I am here. Standing firm in the knowledge that I know who I am, I know my limitations, and I know that I'm not that person any more. I've dealt with my crap, and I'm ready to start my life in the way I want.

The trauma. The pain. It's not ever going to go away altogether. There will always be a well of stuff that I don't want to face. Or explanations I will explain to those that know, and both don't know, me, at all.

But of all the things I have overcome there's one thing I'm most proud of. The 24 hour, 7 days a week erratic running commentary in my head ceased all those months ago. I CAN THINK. I finally have peace in my own mind - I don't feel as tired as I once did, exhausted from analysing every little situation. I don't feel like I'm on some kind of drug or opiate as I once did.

Most of all, I think I'm ready to start a relationship. Maybe I might finally get the courage up to tell that person that I've liked them in *that* way ever since I knew him. And that maybe if he's not taken, it would be great to have a chance. To explain that the reason I could never do anything in that direction was because I was too damned screwed up, so terrified it would happen again- that any thought or situation had me running scared. Maybe it's all too late. Sigh.

Babe, you know who you are. And I am so into you. I always have been. I just can't be the one to take the first step.

This is the bastard of abuse. It's legacy lasts a lifetime. In ways you can't see, you can't touch, but to such an extent that it severely alters the victims psyche forever.

And so, tomorrow is a chance to begin again.

I'm ready.

Dandenong Show 2009

2009-11-16T10:15:00.000+11:00

These bootees won 3rd prize in the Bootees section. They are knitted in a 4 ply variegated yarn, pattern taken from "Simple Knits for Cherished Babies".

'Sean' the sheep won 3rd prize in the knitted/crocheted toy section:

Sean's hobbies include blogging and stamp collecting. He is an avid fan of Ghost Hunters, Grand Designs and the National Geographic channel. He loves long walks on the beach, and currently resides in his luxury penthouse apartment on top of the TV. In the colder months, he spends his time at his country folly, again, on top of the TV.

The rug that my Aunty F and I have been working on all year, won 1st prize in it's section. More on this rug later.

Click clack

2009-11-15T11:39:00.000+11:00

Busy knitting for babies at the moment, having gone from 1 to 5 in the last two weeks.

I searched high and low for a booties pattern I was happy with until I found it in a book entitled "Simple Knits for Cherished Babies". Since then, I've been working with Kaffe Fassett Sock Yarn with fantastic results.

I also entered a couple of entries in the Dandenong Show, winning 3rd prize for my baby booties (from the above book) and for 'Sean' the Sheep in the knitted toy category.

I have also finished my baby jumper which just needs joining and I'm currently working on a pair of baby bellbottoms from The Blue Blog in matching Sirdar 'Crofter' DK wool (fair isle 54).

I don't know how many of these will go to friends, they might just make it to the glory box! It sure is a lot of fun though and a great way to while away a few hours.

Bling the cat

2009-11-07T20:12:00.001+11:00

So here's my cat, Bling.

Abyssinian Cross.

2009-09-25T20:49:00.002+10:00

The weirdest thing happened the other day.

I met a guy at church, who's sister had the same name as I.

Now I realise that this isn't uncommon for the general populus, but it is when you're name is one of those that's totally uncommon. And the strange thing is that I felt an instant connection with this guy. This has NEVER happened. Sure, I know of people who are famous with the same name and I've met someone with the same name...but the brother of the person with my name? Never.

I know this is odd. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was thinking about my siblings/family a lot this week, musing on my musings. This then in turn, led to thinking about my name. And the story of how I came to be, me.

My name was drawn out of hat by the nurse that happened to be in the room at the time, after a trip to the cemetery, of all places, where my Mum saw it and liked it. Dad wanted to call me Sarah, and I'm glad that didn't happen.

I like my name. It has 8 letters and it took over a year for me to learn how to spell it. I have never had it shortened, thanks to my parent's insistence that I be called in full, but now as I grow older, I look on it and think how exotic it would be if I were to be known by the name that my name contains.

I tried it out a couple of times, at the pizza shop. Hell, it was easier than saying "Turtle". But in the end, I didn't recognise myself.

So for now, I stay in my full 8 letter glory, leaving my alter ego a chance to be exotic when the mood strikes. And I feel blessed to known that God has called me out, and knows me.

Joy

2009-08-11T20:16:00.002+10:00

There's a lot of things in my life that I don't want to talk about.

This- is one of them.

For a number of reasons, I am currently on a sabbatical from work, and it's led to a large amount of time off. At first, I resented it. Now, I have learnt that this time is a blessing. It's the first time in my short life that I've allowed myself the time to stop- and actually think deeply about my life, where it's heading and what I'm becoming in the process.

My current diagnosis is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), which is related but lies in a different field to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as my CPTSD is of a delayed onset. I'm thankful that finally I have an explanation for my symptoms, but again, due to that nature of who I am, I denied this for a long time, and at first, resented it.

I believe strongly in assisting yourself with treatment and have researched this long and hard. I know what to expect. And I know that I will be dealing with my trauma for the rest of my life. But whether today, tomorrow or in 10 years, I was going to have to deal with it. And I'm thankful that I'm young, and still have my bounce-back-ability and resilience to cope.

And despite my wonderful therapy plan, and medication, at the end of the day, you still deal with this alone. Friends and family have been brilliant...their sacrifice I cannot repay...other than to say that it's in the deepest despair you learn quickly who you can turn to, and who will turn away.

It's in that alone time, in the midst of despair, you learn who you are.

Recently I've felt the joy in my spirit returning, slowly. It fills me with hope. It gives me courage to pursue this journey and believe with faith and conviction that there is a higher power looking out for me in the world. It's taken me a long time to feel God's voice, to know it. It's taken 3 months. But I heard Him, and it was in that moment I knew that He had never really left me. And that's cliche, sure. But when you know, with every fiber of you're being that this- this, is you and God, working it out...joy is the closest word I can give it.

And the best thing about joy? It's abounding. It grows, is spreads and it changes everything. When you pay forward kindness, and love and joy...there's no limit to what it can do. Call it faith, call it the human spirit, whatever..but we are built, we are created to overcome.

I've hit the bottom. I've been in hospital. I've been suicidal. I've been there. But I don;'t resent it. I'm grateful that God made me this way. In my unique, crazy, completely individual way. And that He gave me this life. I would rather walk through the dark places, and grow, and change, and evolve than life a life where it all came easy. Because I know that I don't struggle alone, and I never will.

I got the joy, man. I got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. And in my head.

We CAN overcome.

It doesn't matter whether you believe in a God, or a fence post or nothing at all. What matters is that we live in a way that's productive and positive. We live in a way that promotes the goodness and joy of the world. Because the truth is that life is horrible, and desperate, and incredibly hard. But if we make the active choice to help others around us, to be the one to enact change, then yes, we can change the world, one person at a time.

My name's Turtle. And I have CPTSD.
My name's Turtle. And I'm proud of who I am.

Healing will take my lifetime. And I'm choosing to look on that with joy.

Coming round again...

2009-06-13T17:40:00.002+10:00

So it's that time of the year again. Report writing. *sigh*.

I'm one of the luck ones, with around 47 or so to do. And under the Curriculum System, that's 18 progression points for each student, 1200 characters, and at least 15 minutes to report on what you hope they've learnt, and what they've actually learnt.

And at the end of the day, you sit back and can't help but think of these kids you teach. The ones that drive you insane, the ones that just don't quit vs. the ones that just don't quit and the ones that you worry about in the early hours of the morning.

I'm worried.

I teach in a typical high school, in a typical year 9 program, in a typical teenage world. And what I see is that the biggest hurdle for these kids is not that they're stupid, but a total lack of confidence and knowledge about who they are.

These kids are growing up with iPod's in their ears, with comfort found in each other's arms at an early age, and for some, not knowing where they will sleep tonight. There's a high percentage that wont hear "I love you", that won't know what it is to be valued, that believe that they're not wanted.

These are my kids. The tough, the scarred, the hurting, the bold, the beautiful. The smart, the not-so-smart, the wise and the "won't get it for another 7 years" kids.

Reports have made me appreciate these kids all over again. Don't go telling them this, but I think I actually like them.

I'm worried that we can't possibly save this generation. Who cares for them, when the rest of the world has so many problems?

This is the tough part of my job. I'm not there to be a parent, or a friend, or a social worker. I'm there to teach. But that doesn't stop me wanting to change in some way, the future of these kids.

I've got this hope that one day I'll have kids of my own. That maybe I'll be able to look in their eyes and tell them how much they're wanted. How much they're loved. How special they are. Of how hard I've worked to establish the future for them.

But for now, I've got this rough and tumble 47 odd bunch of teenagers that believe they're bullet proof. But actually aren't.

The best part of my job?
The kids.

The highlight of the week? Having kids say "Seeya Miss" on a Thursday/Friday afternoon. Knowing that they'd never admit they like you (huh, as if!), but still following you down the educational road.

I'm worried. But I have hope.

And sometimes, hope is all it takes.

It's a leap of faith

2009-03-29T18:59:00.002+11:00

Update on the last month or so of Turtle's life -

Work? About the same. Suspending kids, ringing parents, wringing my hair out, getting frustrated, laughing at childhood innocence and wanting to kill undermining kids ("I spent hours planning that, and you totally ruined it within a minute" style).

Home? Awesome. Living by oneself is totally the way to go. Only thing is that the magic fairies fail to turn up and do the cleaning for me! Loving my own place and own choices. It's great.

Mental health? Not fantastic. Pretty crap actually. Seeing a new shrink, having doctor trouble and currently having to take time off work again.

Reading? Finished the Twilight series after my year 9 girls told me to read it. I didn't think much of the writing and at times it was just downright painful, but I'm glad I read it for the sake of it. What's with the happy ending though? I mean, come on! Totally predictable!!!

Making? Finished my knitting needle bracelet and earrings, made some awesome tie-dye sheets and continuing with the knitting.

BUT

I'm seriously reconsidering my future and career. It terrifies me to think that I could turn my back on the career that I've always wanted to pursue. And it's even scarier to think that I don't know what I want to do instead - I'm only armed with the knowledge that I can't continue to teach. The fallout from it is simply becoming too hard to bear. I can't stand the stress, the strain, the headaches, the woofing lunch down, the not being able to sleep, the constant crankiness, the shortcuts we take to get through the day (drugs, legal though they are) and the sheer knowledge that suddenly, it doesn't matter what I do, I'm not even making a dint.

How did it get so quickly to here? 22 years old, and totally burnt out.

What does one do with oneself when you know, you know that this will kill you if you don't stop? How do you deal with the guilt of knowing that you should be contributing to society, but for one reason or another, you can't right now?

How do you look into a friend or loved ones eyes and tell them that you quit? How do you deal with the pain?

I was brought up to believe that if you started something, you finished it. And it kills me to know that I just cant pull myself together and finish this.

Talking in circles

2009-03-09T13:55:00.002+11:00

Am I the only one that thinks this year is flying by incredibly quickly? Who looks up to discover that it's no longer February, but March, and there's only a few weeks left until June? Crikey, I'm going to have a birthday soon!

This year so far has been a whole load of change, and not much stability. I've moved house (twice) after a rough housemate sharing stage, started a new job, taken time off work (twice) and am still trying to make sense of where things either are/were/might be. Personally this has taken a tremendous toll on my physical and mental state, the end result of which that I have developed High Anxiety/Depression again. Fantastic.

It's incredibly frustration to suffer from a disease that people can't see. I'm not bruised, bleeding or scarred so people assume that you are okay. They don't understand that "I don't want to do this" translates to "I can't do that because it creates so much anxiety that I feel sick, get a headache, start crying and despair because I feel useless".

People don't understand the mood swings or the anger/frustration. The desperate desire to pull yourself out of it, and try as you fight, you can't. Not because you're a loser and making excuses, but because the hole is SO DEEP that it's impossible to clamber out of it. And then you start thinking about how you let yourself go down that road again, you thought you knew better, it's all your fault, you should have been stronger...etc.

And the people that don't believe that this IS REAL. It's terrifying and it's debilitating. It's a shameful illness to have because it's seen as a sign of weakness. People that fail to understand or empathise with you - and refuse to help. Their opinion shouldn't matter. But it does. And it has the power to destroy the small progress you make.

I wish I was one of those people that never had to go through this. Because while they never have to consider their future, I look at mine, and wonder how much mental illness will occur. What this will mean for the choices I make. How much I will have to adapt for the people around me. Whether I can continue to teach - simply because holding together my sanity is near impossible when I'm asked to look after 50 kids sanity.

So it's back to the knitting. I'm making an awesome rug with my Aunty, and having something to focus on and achieve each night is enough to give me some sort of success in the day. And please, no arguments about how if I just prayed, God would take this away. That's a load of crap. Honestly, how much more effort does it take to love and help someone, rather than condemn them from a standpoint of "okayness". You're not the one struggling.

The world needs more random acts of kindness. If you know someone with mental illness, ask them about what they experience. How you can help. What to expect. What certain actions or phrases on their part mean - so that you can interpret it and be clear on where they are at. And for those suffering, get help. See a doctor or a shrink. Both is the best choice. And never ever stop believing that you are special, and loved and valued. God knows, we need you here.

Summer Inspiration

2009-01-14T14:40:00.002+11:00

The 'awfully big adventure' now over, I've been looking for some summertime inspiration. I've just finished reading "Slow Journey South" and highly recommend it - and if you don't want to, have a sticky at the website anyway.

A return to Bill Bryson willows away the hours as well. A truly funny read at the best of times. Camping for the rest of the week sounds like a good plan before a return to work in just over two weeks - bring on the challenges of 2009, I say!

Quote-able quotes from the trip so far

2009-01-02T18:19:00.004+11:00

"I don't need anyone to massage me, I can do that quite confidently myself!" - Me

"I think I've been milked enough for today" - M

"I've seen enough German bits today to last me a lifetime!" - M

"I'm wearing my special occasion underpants today" "Well that's great because maybe the dirty undies under your bed were somebody else's special occasion underpants"- M to me, me to M.

"You really should have worn undies today because that was taking it a bit too far" "I would have if it wasn't for the bet we had" - (Swedish guys at the white water rafting after we were ordered to strip off in time for the bbq tea)

"Now I'm curious to know how much bonking goes on in these youth hostels" - M

"Where about's are we? Is there a road I could be dropped off on?" (German guy whilst holding map of NZ) "Well you're definitely not going there because that's the North Island and we're on the south!!" (New Zealand Guide to random German guy hitching to Queenstown tonight)

"M, I am not ordering a chocolate fush ok?" (me to YHA NZ staff) "What's that, a chocolate fIIIsh? (YHA NZ staff imitating my Australian pronouncement)

"Wow, firstly that's a huge condom, and secondly, if you wear it like that, it's not going to protect anything!" (Me to M after passing a sex shop with a manequin wearing an XXXXL condom as a t-shirt)

"Look what I found for B (M's fiancee)...it's a willy warmer made of possum fur...I can give it to him for an engagement present!...I don't know about the size though...should one size fit all? They weren't labelled" "Maybe we should write XXXL on it to make him feel good!" (Me to M, M replying)

"T, you know that's contraband right. You were supposed to declare it" "What? it's jelly" "Yeah, and you were told to declare all gels to customs. See jell-ly. It's a gell. You idiot. Now they're not going to let you get on the plane"

"I cant believe how many quoteable quotes you can remember. That's impressive" - M

"I bet you a chocolate fush that I can make our room mates say a sentence" - Me to M after the hostile reception we received from said room mates that had strung up their undies around the room and made it smell girly like it was a (insert harsh word here because M said it was too strong). They still haven't spoken to us.

"Don't make me throw the fruit salad over the top of your shower. I lived on student residences for four years. I know more than you" - Me.

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with I" "Igloo" (Me and M in our room at the YHA when the whole point was to guess something in the room).

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with D" "Dermatitis" (M & I, again on the said eye spy game).

And the winner for today is....

"T, are you sure you're going to be okay with your farting in bed tonight? - M to me.

Late addition:

"OHHHH come on! Don't do that to me!" "Is that the hershey's? "Yeah" "Just grab the machine and shake it" "Are you serious, you want me to shake the machine" "Yeah, it's okay. We understand, when you want your chocolate, you want your chocolate" - Me and NZ YHA staff

It started with rainbow thermals...Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T10:49:00.004+11:00

Well, we're finally here!

After 9 months of waiting and 6 months of saving and booking, M & I made it to New Zealand for our 'awfully big adventure' that we had been planning for years.

This has required co-ordination of the finest qaulity and we are now in the 3rd leg of our trip. Leaving from home on the 30th of December, 2008 M's parents and family drove us to Ballarat, to catch a shuttle bus to the Melbourne airport. There we stayed in a hotel before flying out on the 31st of December at 9.15 in the morning.

3 hours later, we'd arrived.

And gosh, it's beautiful.

After living through drought for the last 5 years, to see green again is amazing. It's mindblowing. All these shades I knew, but had forgotten. I got quite emotional over that. And the mountains! Proper mountains!!

We made our way to the YHA, and it's here now that I'm blogging from. We had booked the room about 6 months ago, and we walk in, get our keys, go upstairs...and discover that it's a double. As in one bed. I wondered why they looked at us funny in reception...

he result of which I'm glad to say is that the YHA was as accommodating as they could be. I took the floor, M took the bed and it all worked out in the end.

However, it's refreshing to stay somewhere that isn't homophobic and hung up (note M and I are not gay).Yes these people were suprised. But they didn't have a crack at us, there was no 'wow, now we will make you feel really uncomfortable'..no reaction at all. I think that's great. It's a credit to how far this world has come.

New years in New Zealand goes off! We had a fantastic meal at Cafe Bleau with an american waiter that I named Seamus. I still don't know his name. But they had great chunky tomato soup and chilli beef (me) and M had Nasi Goreng without egg and shrimp (allergic to egg).

Then we headed to Cathedral Square where we started the mosh pit to the Black Velvet Band who do AWESOME Scottish/Irish rock. Me in my rainbow thermal's and M boogy-ing on down in her "You had me at hola" t-shirt.

New Zealand Rocks. And the fact I get to do this trip with my best mate is a dream come true. All we need now is a "You had me at Kia Ora" t-shirt. I suggested a t-shirt that reads "Get your International Funk on" with the YHA logo on the back. Who knows? Maybe it will take off.

So whatever it is that you're dreaming of, get out there. It might just be the best decision you ever make. And Happy New Year. May this be the best year of your life just yet.

Desire to make a difference

2008-12-27T13:22:00.002+11:00

It strikes me that life is all about surrounding yourself with issues, ideas and ideals that incorporate your values and desires for what you want to achieve. We debate how much of this we choose, whether it's predestined, whether there's a god, what god actually is god, and who gets to decide the future.

And then after all of that, we look at one another and decide whether individually we think something/someone is right or wrong, and if we really don't like it, then we fight over it.

Maybe it's the new year around the corner, but I reflect on my life, 2008 and beyond and I think "Did I make a difference?". And there's no doubt that I did, but not to the point that I would have liked.

So that's my challenge for 2009. To make a real difference.

"The Hardest Part"

2008-12-14T21:24:00.002+11:00

So here we are. 5 days out from the end of the school year. I wish I could say where that time has gone, or look back and pinpoint a moment when it all slipped away. But I can't.

Instead I can finally say: I got a job!

I could say something along the lines of "It came down right to the line, and even then this one was my last hope. And I never thought I would get it".

Or how lucky I feel to have this new job. One that is ongoing (so I won't ever have to apply for it again) and working with year 9. How blessed I feel to know that a lot of people have worked really hard to get me to this point, and that without any of their assistance, I wouldn't make it.

And of course, at the back of all of that, is the knowledge that I have to let go of my kids. My kids. The ones that have endured me through the year, and still call me cool. The ones that let me have a bowl (of cricket) or be in their game of rugby, not because I'm good at it, but because they care.

So here's some of the highlights from the last 2 months:
- 6 job interviews.
- $300 on petrol.
- Utter disbelief to hear the words "We'd like to give you the job"..at 9.45 in the morning.
- Christmas decorations with my kids.
- Obama winning the presidency (and the e-bay pop-art poster now residing on my wall).
- Finishing report writing AHEAD of time.
- My best mate getting engaged. 2 weddings next year (better buy a dress soon).

And then there was the "student hit me with a golf club at full force and I had to go to emergency to get my chin stitched up" incident. There's a story in that.

But after all of this, there's one over-riding thing. I wouldn't quit being a teacher for anything. Not for money. Not for a better offer. Not for a really long holiday. Nothing.

Because I look back on this year, and I just think "WOW".

It's been one hell of a ride.

Look out 09.

When things just work

2008-10-29T20:58:00.002+11:00

Students of 3/4 Turtle are currently studying "Space" (Astronomy and related topics). And it's been awesome all the way through, with the kids constantly suprising me over the quality of their work and enthusiasm for learning.

The current buzz is rockets..how they work, what they're used for and so on.

Last week we made balloon rockets, and that was okay. The kids had a ball, but success was limited. So what's the next stage you ask?

BOTTLE ROCKETS.

Which led me to make a launcher.

Let me repeat that: I, Turtle, went ahead and made a rocket launcher all by myself. No-one to help. No men to take over. Just me. Turtle.

Tested it out tonight before taking it to school tomorrow...simply AWESOME.

Which leads me to this point: Isn't it great when we achieve something that we set out to do?. When we believe in ourselves enough to know that yes, I can do this. I haven't laughed like I did tonight. The joy was unbelievable.

I encourage you to reach for the stars.

Please Lord, don't look the other way.

2008-10-20T14:57:00.002+11:00

52 job applications.

2 interviews.

Many hours of heart ache.

I'm walking away. I'm not going to fight the system anymore. I'm not going to live my life in false hope.

I just wish that someone could have told me that 4 years of University and 12 months experience would have come to this point.

Walking away.

Broadcast yourself

2008-10-16T12:35:00.002+11:00

The hunt for a job continues and it feels like an eternal hell. It's weird knowing that you leave your fate in the hands of other people, hoping that all the hard work you've done is enough. Knowing that sometimes there's nothing you can do but wait.

I can't explain how it feels other than to say that my stomach is in knots, I'm not sleeping well and I know that utter heartbreak could be a phone call away. The truth is, it shouldn't be this hard to secure a job or for that matter- an ongoing position. Employing teachers on contracts in one of the most undermining things that occurs within the teaching profession today. It doesn't credit the individual with the recognition of their profession, or the comittment that they make.

To quote off a YouTube Parkinson interviewing Gillian Anderson video I watched today:
"When you're young, you end up being thrust into and taken on this path that you don't always feel like you have the right perspective in".

Dave Eggers TED 2007 - Must see.

2008-10-10T20:29:00.001+11:00

Watch this now.

Then go here.

Thomas @ 1

2008-10-02T11:26:00.003+10:00

Beautiful.

Road & Travel

2008-09-21T21:34:00.003+10:00

Recently I've had the joy of reading the likes of Thoreau, Paul Theroux, Bill Bryson and Roald Dahl thanks to the re-released range of Popular Penguins. Whether this is a form of escapism from my daily job, I'm finally what my Mother would say - "Reading adult books".

In all of us is the desire to get away, break free and do something different. It sits just out of our peripheral vision, like an eyelash caught - it's there, niggling, but if we ignore it or flush it out, eventually disappears. In my case, I think mine's been there for awhile but I haven't looked properly.

10 weeks of straight teaching, and I'm highly over it. So rather than spend yet another round of school holidays in limbo, passing from day to day, I'm embracing the possibilities. As of tomorrow Turtle will embark on a week long great adventure. No set dates, no need to be anywhere, in an existence where I'm no longer me. I'm taking a break from my life in the hope that the perspective will equip me and stand me in good stead for the remainder of the year.

I'm a self-confessed private person. I keep myself to myself and play my cards pretty close to my chest. But sometimes I feel like even I'm a stranger to myself. I hope as I stoke my pack, and prepare my provisions, that the fear I feel will propel me into a new beginning. For too long I have been scared, stood back and waited for someone else to rescue me from this. No longer is that enough. And whether this is due to the inspiration through a printed text, or just a confirmation to myself, we shall see.

See you on the other side.

Thomas' 1st Birthday

2008-09-14T15:37:00.003+10:00

My nephew Thomas turns 1 on the 24th.

To celebrate this special occasion, I decided to stitch his birth sampler.

As many readers would know, I started the project late last year during my final few weeks of University. Not a great choice, as it turned out that my stitching was far too tight and I thought that it wouldn't be able to be rescued. I had intended to stitch Thomas' birthday card, so went about making it when it was suggested I try framing it anyway.

And I have to say, it did come up well!

I believe strongly in celebrating special occasions and I'm glad I'm one of the people in this world that chooses to mark it in a very special, personal way. I hope that when Thomas is older he will be able to look at it and say "My Aunty Turtle made that for me".

The pattern was taken from a picture out of the Little Bear series for children. Accompanying this is the book "Can't you sleep little bear?" by Martin Waddle (with matching wrapping paper and card).

Happy Birthday Thomas!

I have a dream for change we can believe in

2008-08-31T11:34:00.002+10:00

45 years ago, a black leader stood up and delivered one of the most famous speeches in history. It was in this speech that he raised public consciousness of the civil rights movement and established himself as one of the greatest orators in U.S. history.

In 1964, King became the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his work to end racial segregation and racial discrimination through civil disobedience and other non-violent means.

Martin Luther King Jnr did nothing less than change the course of U.S. history. He believed so strongly in the civil rights of his brothers and sisters, that nothing could change the course of his beliefs. Nothing could take the fire out of his eyes, and the determination from his spirit. One of the most famous sections of his "I have a dream" speech is this:

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!"

I was teaching my students about Martin Luther King Jnr this week and it struck me as to how timely his words remain today. 45 years later, another black leader by the name of Barack Obama is standing up and repeating the dream. His name is different, his words are different, yet the belief that self-empowerment can lead to great change is not.

"I'm asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about change in Washington. But in yours"

"The teenagers and college students who left their homes to march in the streets of Birmingham and Montgomery; the mothers who walked instead of taking the bus after a long day of doing somebody else's laundry and cleaning somebody else's kitchen- they didn't brave fire hoses and Billy clubs so that their grandchildren and great-grandchildren would still wonder at the beginning of the 21st century whether their vote would be counted; whether their civil rights would be protected by their government; whether justice would be equal and opportunity would be theirs...We have more work to do"

- Barack Obama, Speech at Harvard University, September 28th, 2007.

“Here is the truth: fighting a war without end will not force the Iraqis to take responsibility for their own future. And fighting in a war without end will not make the American people safer.
So when I am Commander-in-Chief, I will set a new goal on day one: I will end this war. Not because politics compels it. Not because our troops cannot bear the burden- as heavy as it is. But because it is the right thing to do for our national security, and it will ultimately make us safer.”

—Barack Obama, Clinton, Fayetteville, North Carolina, March 19, 2008

I'm not American. I live in a country where we take our lead from the other great nations of the world, where our ideas and beliefs are totally different. We are a country with problems just as big as yours. But if Barack Obama can reach me, then I'm sure he can reach you too. The problems of tomorrow no longer remain in the arms of one nation. It remains in the powers of the world to stand up, and work together. To encourage us to reach out and grab hands with our neighbour and say "Yes we can". If our future is a world of warfare, injustice, and the same issues as yesterday- I wonder. Will we wake up one day and regret the fact that we forgot to set the alarm clock?
I believe. I believe that now is the time for change.

Currently

2008-08-17T15:55:00.002+10:00

Currently reading:
Henry David Thoreau - Walden & Letters to a spiritual seeker.
Penguin Publishing - I think therefore I am: Philosophers answer your questions about life & more.
The Age - go here to read online.

Currently watching:
X -Files - Bad Blood is particularly funny.
The Olympics - Show me something other than the Australians, PLEASE!
The Corporation - A film by Mark Achbar, Jennifer Abbott and Joel Bakan.

Currently doing:
Facebook.
Packing for camp.
Blogging.
Burning various items - CD's etc.

Currently thinking:
Whats for tea?
Where did my weekend go?
Do I need to drive home on Monday night?
Flowers - what kind do I get?
I need socks, it's cold in here.
I need to preview a film before camp - and then go shopping.
Pizza sounds brilliant.

Currently admiring:
Steve Loya's work - go here to see it
My cat.
Quality - in general.

Desperately seeking spawn

2008-08-17T15:30:00.002+10:00

I'm packing for school camp at the moment. That time of the year when I get to take my 25 students + the other grade's 20 something out into the bush and spend some quality time getting to know them in a totally different way.

It's interesting the way that staff talk about school camp. "Oh, you're excited now, but just wait till next week" and "Be prepared to be a parent the whole time you're away". There's a general sense of dread about the whole thing. And it's not coming from me.

I love school camp. It's a mini-holiday of sorts, with more demands placed on you. It allows you to experience a couple of days through the eyes of a child in an unfamiliar environment. It's the opportunity to show kids what it's like to be away from home (some for the very first time) and establish coping skills and resilience. It's the opportunity to be a friend, a teacher, and a special person all at once.

School camp this year is going to be held here.

I can just see those regular readers in America sighing at the moment! Apart from the fact that it's a really nice place, we've got totally awesome activities to do and a beautiful environment to do it in.

Aside from school camp, work isn't the greatest place to be at the moment. One of the requirements placed on me this year is to get my "registration" as a teacher. The best way to describe this is that it's basically a license to teach. It's the Victorian system's way of maintaining professionalism and standards in teachers and without this registration, you cant teach. In Victoria anyway - because Australia doesn't have a centralised system.

This means that when you graduate and start full time work, you're supposed to receive what's called a mentor teacher to watch over you and help you complete you're registration requirements. Supposed to being the operative word here.

Long story short, none of this has happened. Reasons haven't been put forward for this, but finally after pushing the barrel uphill for 6 months, I cracked it and went directly to the system, threatening a formal complaint.

Throw the life jacket now.

I've rocked the boat so hard, I think I'm going to drown. And if I were a paper bark tree, I'd be dead because I've had so many strips torn off me in the last week that I've ended up ring barked.

Why all this is important is because at the conclusion of the school year (4 days before Christmas) I won't have a job. And if I don't get my registration, finding one just became 200 % harder. However, action is starting to occur now and maybe things are beginning to look up.

In short, I'm desperately seeking spawn. I love my kids, with all their weird things and quirky bits - but they aren't enough to keep me in the community, and I'm at a point where I need to get out. And I'll go anywhere - but here.

And so the job search begins again. Phoning schools and asking the tough questions, applying time after time, waiting for a phone call to say that I have an interview...all so that each day I can predict what I'll be doing at 9.00 - 11.00 am (Reading, Writing, Spelling) and repeat myself over and over and over again.

I love my job. I do. I just hate that you have to jump through hoops to attain a position and then play politics within the school. I don't like what it does to you (I've got extremely high blood pressure at the moment) and the stress it causes, or the knowing that most of the time you're only getting through to a third of you're kids - but all of that just dissipates in seconds when magic happens.

Sigh. I need a job for next year now.

I love Henry David Thoreau on this- he said "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation". How true.

It moved her so

2008-08-13T17:46:00.003+10:00

I'm so proud of her.

Z, a student in my class was moved so much by our study of Australia-

That she wrote to the Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd.

And he wrote back.

"Oh I just wrote to him after school because I felt like it".

How cool is it that a 9 year old can get a hand signed letter from the PM?

I love this kid.

In one short moment

2008-08-08T17:41:00.002+10:00

I could lose my job.

When I've done everything right. I followed the chain of command, I questioned, I queried, I protested, I threatened to walk away.

And it's still not enough.

Anyone have a couch for a broke, homeless, registration-less teacher?

Naked goes Wordle

2008-08-04T19:54:00.001+10:00



Wordle

Naked

2008-08-04T19:30:00.004+10:00



Thanks to Steve over @ "Go Flying Turtle" for the hint about making a "Wordle".

There's a lot of days when I feel like I fail at being a teacher. Moments when I think I'm not going to make it, where the hardest part is knowing that I just hate who I am in that moment- my decisions blurred and I don't know anymore what it's for, why I'm doing this and what my role has become.

I'm past the crying stage, the hopeless stage, to what I know is the limbo stage - where all of a sudden I'm resigned to the fact that it's just the way it is. I stood there today, adrenalin pumping- physically shaking - beside myself, hopeless as to what to do. Knowing, knowing, knowing - that in this moment, I was truly terrified. Some days are just hell.

And, so I sit here thinking, thinking, thinking - desperately looking for a way to sort through this. I seek refuge in ritual - watching episodes of series time after time because it's safe and predictable and for once I don't have to think. I'm learning it's not wrong to cry or laugh or dare I say it- drink - in order to forget. You have to deal with your crap, you have to work through it, face it because it will kill you if you don't. You have to learn to stare your junk in the face.

Effective leadership is leading from the heart- knowing that people follow not because they must, but because there is that desire to go forward together. Today knowing that I've taught one child persistence made my day. Talking and realising that I love this kid with all that I have- and beyond. Being told that I'm an 'open-minded' teacher- this too made my day. Little things, big change.

I find peace in time alone. In solace with my music, my bible, my journal- investing in time knowing that I should.

One day I hope to look back and reflect upon my time spend now and value it as an investment. An investment to sew the seeds of progress in a firm foundation. On fertile soil, where it can flourish.

It's in these moments I realise how much God loves me. I remember His promises, and take peace from the knowledge that there is a plan. I keep asking why? but perhaps I should just start to ask "Why not?"

Term 3, 2008.

2008-07-20T21:34:00.002+10:00

Well, the holidays are over and week 2 [of a 10 week term) has begun. It's funny to think that there's only roughly 20 weeks of school left, 20 weeks of my position left and about 20 million protocols that you go through to find a new position.

I only felt like quitting my job about 5 times last week, which I think is a pretty good record. And what a week it was- a student on the roof, starting our investigation of the Olympic Games and more TRIBES work. Being amazed at every student achieving beyond our daily target, and to see how settled the students are this term. Laughing at the newness of another term, but celebrating making it through our first 6 months, and over the hump.

And as we descend I'm drawn to think about my plans for next year. I'm realising the importance of my family, knowing that I no longer want to be a distant auntie, but the one that comes around and hangs out with you. Takes you special places. And so, I fill in forms and make decisions that will allow me to do this. I commit myself to a plan of action and acknowledge that this is a scary proposition, but very much worth it.

In the meantime, we plod along, the 27 of us in our classroom, wondering at the world and enjoying the view. I'm a teacher, a sister, an auntie, a friend- and life is pretty good.

Nanna Jumpers pt. 2

2008-07-20T21:26:00.002+10:00

L-R : Zoe, Thomas & Lauren.

"Modelling Nanna's jumpers"

Made with love

2008-07-12T14:38:00.003+10:00

I'm a huge believer in giving gifts that are thoughtful, practical and useful.

In particular I'm a huge fan of creating this gift myself. I was taught to knit under the guidance of my mother, and used to sew my own doll's clothes on her sewing machine. These days I spend more time with a needle and thread creating many a cross stitch pattern.

At the moment, I'm in the middle of paying off an overseas trip. However, as this is yet another Mel & Turtle adventure, I also had to ensure that this was celebrated in some way. Time to get the needles out.

I really wanted to knit a beanie. But not any old beanie. Something cool and stylish, slightly zany with a sprinkle of pizazz. The internet is awesome when it comes to this. But you do have to search. Finally I stumbled across Woolly Wormhead.

There's some excellent designs here, and I couldn't resist the Tri-Peak Beanie. The pattern is simple and clear, and highly original in it's design. I had to get my Mum to finish the top off for me- but I think what stood out most is that the end product matched it's description. I think this is the most critical part of any design- that a plan works, and can be used by multiple sources without confusion. And that it can be modified and adjusted according to individual needs.

Now I know, I could have simply gone down the street and bought a beanie (or used one of the 15 or so I own), but I don't think it's the same. Nothing compares to a gift given with love, especially where the time factor is involved.

One of the greatest joys in my life at the moment has been watching my Mum knit her 'Nanna jumpers' for my nieces. Did you have a Nanna jumper growing up? I think that these jumpers are supremely cool. Not just because they're knitted with love, but because it's a statement of care.

And I'm concerned about the handmade arts fading away. Are we losing our skills in an age of 'want it now'? Is Individualism the first thing to disappear in the age of progress? If only we could pick up a jumper, or beanie, or card or whatever it is that someone has made you- and look inside it and see that person's thoughts and emotions as they went about making it. It's an artefact- but it's so much more than that.

It's art.

Who'd be a celebrity?

2008-07-04T19:19:00.002+10:00

School holidays are BLISS.

At least for the first 3 days anyway.

A week has flown by and already, the countdown to term 3 has begun. I've spent the majority of my time in bed, or watching episodes [Spooks, Stargate Atlantis season and X-Files seasons 6, 7, 8 again]. On top of that I've finally organised all the paperwork for NZ, obtained my passport [look out world] and tidied up my room a few times.

Not exactly the stuff of legends.

But then I've also been doing a lot of thinking. From choosing appropriate hiking socks, to bike racks and beyond- into the realms of conundrums such as "How do I teach about the Olympic games, whilst the human rights abuses in Tibet carry on?" as well as Robert Mugabe and the current crisis in Africa. Add that to watching DVD's such as "Cribs" [MTV series] and I can't help but think that somewhere, the world took a turn into the ridiculous.

I live in the Western World and I know I'm already one of the luckiest people on this planet. But with great power, comes great responsibility. And I don't think the Western World is doing a great lot of good with their power at the moment.

I don't understand how the world is totally on an uneven par with what we know is the right direction- no scrap that- because how do I know that your direction is better than mine? What is the glue that sticks societies together? Is it our beliefs and ideals, or is it an agreed set of values that we adhere to for a common goal?

Why is it that we become okay with other's suffering and call it someone else's problem?

I guess I just don't understand how we got to here. This climate of fear, this climate problem [whether you agree with the global warming thing or not], this climate of individual pursuit mattering over that of our fellow human.

And as a teacher, I wonder how much I shield a child before you just have to tell them honestly what the truth [ha, another conundrum] is. In so far as your understanding of it.

Already in my classroom I've discussed the Geneva Convention, Climate Change, Poverty, Hate and a whole range of issues, only to be pulled up on one thing- a story about a boy weeing on a lemon tree in the garden.

Which brings me to this- I heard today that we live through our celebrities. Gosh that's a sad state to be in. And then I heard that crack/cocaine has become incredibly cheap in the UK because of the over exposure of celebrities using it- it's no longer become high class, but mainstream. And that led me to think that there's no way I'd ever want to be a celebrity- not because I judge the lifestyle, but because I think that the great responsibility has been forgotten in the wake of their power.

I look at the kids in my class and I think 'gosh, these kids will be running the world one day' and I freak out because I so don't feel qualified in those moments, to teach. 25 faces looking at me, knowing that if I said jump, they would. That if I lead, they follow. I love my students with all I've got- but gosh, who am I, really?

I think we need to start being responsible. We can change the world, if we all try. If we decide that as individuals, we are going to start at home, personally and watch that effort grow exponentially. Because that's what's happening in our current time space continuum.

It's stated that we only do something when it directly impacts us. So if you're reading this and can make some sense out of what I'm saying, all I'm asking for is that you commit a random act of kindness for someone else.

I pledged when I started teaching to always use 'please' and 'thankyou'. It's funny I was down the street today and now, I find myself doing it unconsciously. I was proud of myself for that. Little things. Big differences.

Back - to the future?

2008-06-21T12:18:00.002+10:00

There's an art to selecting just the right book as a class novel. It has to be interesting and engaging, contain enough excitement to entertain the girls and boys. It has to balance between stuff a child can relate to, and have enough things to research to aid comprehension. And students need to be reading for meaning.

When I read to my students they grab their cushion, lie back on the floor and imagine. Even the most energetic of my boys' love to listen and think, question and compare the activity in the book to that of their own experience.

This week, we began "My side of the Mountain". Published in 1959, written by Jean Craighead George. I've read this book about 10 times. It's a classic and a favourite and incredibly hard to track down. And yet, it takes you away to the Catskill Mountains from the very first page and you are right there along Sam in all his adventures. It's a fantastic book.

I've also just bought "Journey to the centre of the the earth" to re-read. Another classic. Published in 1886. Notice something here?

These books are books published before I was born. And yet, these are what my kids love. Take a trip to your local bookshop and you are hit with a wave of Children's literature that's full of educating about new families, conflict, understanding global warming/globalisation, crime and so much more. There's no escapism for kids anymore.

And this has me really concerned. Some of my students come from tough tough homes. And when they read they don't need to be reading about what they already experience on a daily basis because it's all too real. And so, they walk away from reading.

I'm distressed to think that gone are the days when a child spends hours floating in a balloon, making a tree house, digging to China, rambling for blue berries, becoming a spy...and not hearing the cries of 'lunch' because it's too exciting to come back from.

And it's why I make such a point of reading to my students, immersing them in print and allowing them that time away. Because it is critical to who we are. Your imagination is something that's totally unique. It's the foundation stone of writers, poets, artists, musicians, builders, mum and dads, in short...of everyone.

And if we start taking that away from our kids...I hate to think what our world will become.

Do we have to go back- to get to the future?

I discovered something else today- My side of the Mountain is a trilogy. You wouldn't believe how excited I am!

I encourage you to read to a child today. Share your favourite story, or go further and play with them! Build a cubby house or soap box/billy cart! Go on a picnic or bike ride, or whatever it be...

Because I'll tell you this.

Nothing compares to the joy of spending time in a child's company and seeing their face light up and laugh and laugh and laugh.

I think that's why I love my job.

Elation

2008-06-14T19:06:00.002+10:00

For 6 years we've dreamed about it, talked about it, wrestled with it, pondered it, agonised over it- and now we've actually done it.

Mel and I are officially going to New Zealand at the end of the year. Well actually, let me clarify that- we will be in New Zealand ON New Years Eve.

And I can't contain my excitement. This buzz has stayed with me for well over a day, and I know that as the date draws closer, it will only get bigger.

This trip is a big deal on so many levels. It will be my first trip overseas but more than that, I'm just so excited that I get to do this with my best friend. I'm proud of the fact that we've matched our actions with our words, but I'm even prouder of the fact that this is something that we've both worked incredibly hard for.

For me, this trip is a symbol of finishing University and completing my first year of teaching. I still can't believe this is my job and the term 'primary teacher' as a job description makes me turn around and look for who they're addressing. For Mel, it's finishing University as well. For both of us, it's a graduation present to remember for the rest of our lives.

Mel & I always said that we'd do the amazing race together if the opportunity came along. I can't think of anyone better to do it with- and it's almost like this trip has been an amazing race in itself. Every $1 put in the shrapnel [spare change] draw at University has since meant that I've had funding for this trip for months now. Every cow I had to inject, every report I write is now worth it.

I don't think I could put a price on this trip, because it's never ever been about money. It has on a practical level, but that's about it.

Instead this trip is and has been about emotional investment. It's about saying "I'd absolutely love to do that with you", knowing that the fundamental reason is because of the relationship/friendship you have with the other person/s. It's about investing in that and saying that this time, this time- Is about spending with you.

It's weird to know that if I had an hour left on this earth, who I'd want to spend that with. It's weird to reach a point in my life where I now know that life is all about relationships and not about what you can get for yourself. It's like I've had this total revelation of what life's about and I can't find the vocabulary to describe it, because that bit hasn't caught up yet.

So much of my life now is the indescribable, the moments and memories I can't articulate but have meant so much growth and maturity that it's changed me. In my heart and my soul, it's changed.

I used to shudder at the word "reflection" and yet it's so vitally important to life. Stopping and considering, pausing to plan or just appreciate, it's all of this that defines the next step.

I'm not saying life is easy but it's about the perspective. It's about knowing what you want and just stopping when you don't- and then celebrating that when you achieve something you really desire, all the crap you've gone through to get there - it fades away.

Inside, I'm riding a wave of elation and I know that it's time to just sit back and wait- knowing that if I crash, I've got someone beside me to laugh ridiculously with. To share a story, a memory that we'll talk about over and over and over again...until I'm old and grey and half deaf.

And when that happens, I hope I've got grandchildren to pass this feeling and experience on to.

Hate, Hope and Life- Why I hate diagnostic testing

2008-06-08T11:50:00.003+10:00

Well, it's that time of the year.

Yep. That One.

Report Writing time.

I challenge you to find me a teacher that enjoys report writing. It's just not natural.

I don't know that I can supply any definitive answer as to why reports are horrible, nasty things but I do know that it changes staffroom morale like an atom bomb being deployed. You learn who to avoid talking to, who to talk to, and how every member of staff likes they're coffee. You learn to have a secret chocolate supply stash and deliver these at appropriate moment.

For some staff members, they lock the door. Then they attatch a sign saying the following:
"I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tommorrow is not looking good either"

Now being a graduate teacher, I thought all of this tension was just a rumour. That people were making a big deal out of nothing. I was wrong.

Each report takes at least an hour. That would be fine except for the fact that I have 26 students. Which equals 26 hours. 26 hours to find over the course of 2 weeks. Try writing reports after teaching all day.

But then there's the other side to it all- diagnostic testing.

Students hate tests. It's an unnatural process that they don't understand. One minute I'm allowed to work with a friend, the next I'm not. I have to sit in silence. I can't ask for help. And it doesn't matter if I'm having a bad day, if I do badly, there's no second chance.

I'm opposed to diagnostic testing for reporting purposes. A bunch of numbers DOES NOT tell me anything about that child. It doesn't tell me that they're a kinesthetic learner or they have high anxiety. It doesn't tell me that they tell the best jokes in the world, or that their emotional intelligence is staggering. It tells me nothing of the work that we've done for 2 terms on Confidence, Persistence, Respect and Resilience.

And yet, this is what I'm required to write on that child.

It's incredible that on a diagnostic spelling test, every child can write the following words:

Hate, Hope & Life.

When did they learn hate? Who taught them that? How do kids know that testing is ridiculous?

Today's kids need today's answers. Not a spelling test to determine their future. Not a mathematics test to determine their skill level.

I'm for education that's fair and equitable. But some time or another you just realise you're a part of a system and that if you don't subscribe you don't survive. So there it is. Hate, Hope and Life. 3 small words, yet such a profound statement in themselves.

Graduation Picture

2008-06-06T21:44:00.000+10:00

Life, Loss and Leaving.

2008-06-06T20:58:00.003+10:00

This photo was taken on one of the happiest days in my life to date. After four long years of toil and turmoil and hard work, I finally had my 15 minutes of fame. I was as nervous as hell, and kept thinking that I would do something wrong, but it was a moment in my life I won't forget.

And I won't forget it for a number of reasons. My day had to fly in from Western Australia to arrive 2 hours before the ceremony having just stepped off a war ship hours before the flight. He'd spent 2 weeks sailing round Australia with my older brother, A.

But it was special for another reason as well. Mel came down from Albury to spend the day with me. It's a long trip and realistically she had to put aside some really important stuff. But what stood out is that when I really reflected on it, through that whole time, Mel had stuck with me.

Mel and I are unique.

Mel is in Albury, and I'm in Casterton. For Mel, it's because of love, and I guess that's the same for me as well. We give each other lots of advice but we don't ever expect to be listened to. A lot of our conversations will open up with "Am I losing my mind?", "Hey you", "It's me", "Hey hey sexy lady" or "What are ya doin?". We don't have to do the niceties.

We cry a lot together and we laugh a lot together, but the funny thing is that we don't get to see each other a lot. If we had to rub along, day to day, I don't know how we'd be. Part of our friendship is the distance. We usually see each other when we're by ourselves. We haven't go jobs or boyfriends. I think I get the best of her.

Professionally, Mel is very formidable. She is able to remain calm when all hell is breaking loose. She'll say "It's alright" and quietly find help. She quietly bulldozes away whereas I engage in histrionics. I jump up and down and get half of what I want. She get's more achieved.

Mel doesn't want to be the star herself. She wants to make you look good. I think that's what I love about her the most. Mel will always want to help you be better, not be better than you. For me it was a complete revelation, almost mystifying. Along came Mel and said "I love your work, I'm going to make your ideas come true".

Mel is a loved and much sought after person. She could work with anyone she wanted to. She could write her own ticket. But she doesn't choose many people to be close to. She could be out every night with people who adore her but she chooses very few friends and is loyal to them. I feel very special.

I have very real fears. When she goes away my hearts in my mouth the whole time that something might happen to her.

She's irreplaceable because I know I can totally be myself with her. She knows my foibles and weaknesses. I can talk about my career amd what's worrying me and be self-obsessed and that's fine with her. I'd be lost without her. And I wouldn't laugh as much.

If I didn't have Mel, I think I'd have lived my life 50% less.

This long weekend, I miss Mel incredibly. Because I'd usually be in Albury, at the Australian Games Expo seeing her for the first time in 6 months. Spending time together that seems to go on forever. I can't be there this time and it feels utterly awful.

My job has required me to sacrifice a lot. Catching up with friends. Limiting time off. Taking my weekends away. But this time, it almost seems to mutch. I miss her like mad, so deeply that it hurts. And I know the reason it hurts is because she's my best friend and I'd willingly lay down my life for her.

Love is a tricky tricky thing. But I think when it's real, you know it. I love Mel with all my heart because she's my sister. We've been through hell and back, but we've always done it together. I can't tell you how much that means to know that you've always got someone supporting you, that you can call at 4 a.m in the morning and just know that they're there.

And it's why I'd stay by her side, forever. I don't know what I did right to get Mel as my mate and I never ever take her for granted. I believe people go their whole live missing out on a friendship as special as this, but I know that God's totally behind us.

I guess I really just want to encourage those out there reading this, to seek real meaning in any relationship. The real ones, the true ones, require you to fight for them. They require something of you and they change you in big ways. Even if that big seems little. Real love will always cost you something but you should never fear a loss- because the real relationships are the ones you will always want to remember.

This Long Weekend- I miss you mate.

I LOVE Hobo Teacher

2008-06-01T19:28:00.002+10:00

I love Hobo Teacher.

What I don't love is blocked Internet at school and having to scrounge Internet wherever possible.

It's kind of like some weird love affair.."I guess I'm just not that into you" [Or I would be but there's a line of students in the library after school and I've got Buckley's or None of getting a computer].

So when you finally get to catch up and find this:

Literary Genius

I was at a car dealership this weekend. No, I didn't come into some money, but I was there because they have free drinks and cookies. The trick is to look like you belong there. Every once in a while take a stroll to the service center, look out that window at the guys working on the cars and check your watch with a sigh.

It's nice. These car dealerships have soft couches and free cable television. You see, the cable in my classroom went out months ago. I found teeth marks and a frayed cable extension. It was either a rat or a student. I'm not sure which.

In truth, I really do get a lot of grading done there. It's funny. People think nothing of it when they see someone sitting there, shuffling papers; face a look of utter anguish, while gripping a red pen. They just shake their head and roll their eyes as they pass you, as if to say, "Sucker!"

Anyway, while I was there I saw a new teacher or a teacher soon-to-be. How did I know? Besides looking rested, she was reading a textbook about teaching methods. As if there is a recipe. You're teaching, not making a quiche. How do these books get written? After a teacher gets fed up and quits, do they go and write a book about how they thought it would be?

If you need a "how-to" book for teaching, then here you go:

1) Grab sleep wherever you can.
2) Grow rhino skin.
3) Laugh more than you scream.
4) Be ready to fail.
5) Be ready to fail again.
6) Be ready to fail an infinite number of times.
7) Steal from other teachers (ideas only, but food when possible).

There, slap some graphs on that sucker, throw in some quotes from some "experts" and publish it.

Hello New York Times Best Seller List.

It's solid, solid gold.

- Exerpt taken from Hobo Teacher

I particularly agree with the Teaching isn't a recipe part. I realise now so much of what's written in those books that I read with passion because I thought that they had answers...is just plain wrong. The whole point of teaching is that you do get it wrong, that you do hide in the staffroom, that you do want to cry and sometimes hire a hitman to take that kid out...

And most of the time if someone asks you why you do it, you can't even answer.

Except for when it's payday and then the answers pretty obvious.

As I said- I love Hobo Teacher.

They didn't teach me that at University...

2008-06-01T16:47:00.003+10:00

So, here we are in week 9 of Term 2, 2008.

It's shocking actually, that it's been that long and I haven't really noticed it a lot. Except when I'm doing the class Fridge Note (newsletter) and I type it along the top. And what a term it's been- I thought that things might slow down somewhat, but no chance of that happening.

The last couple of weeks have seen my student numbers go up by 2, to decrease by 1 later on this week. I'm amazed though, at the impact that just one more body makes to your classroom and it's a real struggle to manage 26 kids at the best of times. It's even harder when some of those students are special needs and high-attention-needed. And yet, I find myself loving this bunch of kids- the crazy and the impossible, the loving and the lonely, the boys who constantly remind me that I'm far from cool, but "Only the greatest teacher in the world".

This term our class seems to have grown closer and more trustworthy of each other, although I must admit that at the moment there is a real culture where the boys are asserting themselves very strongly. I support and encourage my boys to be boys because a lack of male culture is missing in our schools and because we need to foster quality relationships now, whilst they're still young to assure their strength in the real world tommorrow.

But, on the downside here's one thing they didn't tell me about at University: Head Lice.

I hate them. They're disgusting and horrible and they're just plain old creepy and yet we can't get rid of them. Oh, it was kind of okay when it was just the kids getting them...but then I got them. For the first time ever. Now several litres of Lice Killer might seem a bit extreme, but that's what I did. Yet, theyre still here!!! Explain that to me? Where is the fairness in this? Parents want teachers that are dynamic and that bring learning to life, that have kids engaged and are always out doing amazing things...and yet they won't get rid of the Lice in they're kids hair!

Which brings me on to the subject of the iTurtle. I LOVE my iTurtle. With the help of a $5 Audio Cord we now regularly engage in "Wiggle Sessions" to the likes of Robbie Williams, Ministry of Sound and other random songs. It's the funniest thing seeing a 9 year old break dance! Yet, the kids ask and you can't help but laugh and join in. We love the "encouragement circle" where each individual gets time in the middle whilst we clap and cheer and show our appreciation- I ran this with the other grade and the teacher commented to me that "You could really tell the kids that had done this before", due to no inhibitions and the praise and love that these kids were showing for each other.

This, I think is what it's all about.

When your classroom finally gels.

And the magic starts to happen in every single moment.

Last week we started on TRIBES, this week we continue it. TRIBES is a program that develops the social and emotional health of students whilst encouraging positive social experiences for students. Already my class love it, and with the help of "Mr. Tribles" I've got boys communicating when 2 weeks ago they wouldn't open up.

My football skills have improved and the boys love showing off and competing with me- and when they tackle, they tackle hard. But I also have regular "teacher groupie" kids who follow me whilst on yard duty and keep me company.

I wish, I wish I could describe our classroom to you- to those that read this often and wish me well- yet so much of it is indescribable.

All I'll say is this:

I think I love my job.

New Blog (for Teaching Purposes)

2008-05-18T16:39:00.000+10:00

Head on over to Making Memories

Here you can keep tabs on whats happening in my classroom and comment if you wish!

Reflections on Term 1, 2008.

2008-03-28T11:09:00.003+11:00

9 weeks ago I embarked on my first job teaching in a rural country town. And 9 weeks later, I'm still there. There were many moments when I didn't believe that this was going to happen, and moments when I thought that I was doing the best job in the entire world but basically, I think that teaching is just...well, teaching.

In the past 9 weeks the following has happened:

- Every student in my classroom has a nickname. In the true Australian tradition, I've usually just added "sta" to the end of the child's name. E.g. Ziggy is now called "Ziggsta". I've also added an "s" to the end of some names "Kobe" has become "Kobes". And then there's the student who I call Angelop for no other reason than he wanted to be called that. In return I get called "Teacher", "Teach", "Miss" and "Miss W".

- I successfully completed Parent/Teacher interviews. This absolutely terrified me. Having to sit down and talk to parents one on one about their child's development. Oh it's fine when everything is going great, but it's the difficult conversations that are the hardest ones to have (yes I know that's insightful).

Having to explain to parents that "I'm not rescuing your child anymore..I need them to complete some type of work that we can then build on...but refusal to do so means that yes, your child will come home crying because I'm not going to do their work for them..I'm really sorry to sound like this, I know it's tough, but you need to know things are going to get worse before they get better".

On the other hand I had parents crying- Because of the success that we are having with their child. One parent commented "I never knew that R was so stressed until you started teaching him. He now comes home and can't wait to go to school because he enjoys it so much. He says to me "Mum I don't need to be on my toes anymore...I know where I stand"...my child laughs and is so happy these days that it really shocked me to know how stressed and anxious he previously had been at school".

I also had the parent of my Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder child in tears as well. This time last year her child had been suspended 7 times. He has not been sent home once this term. He uses his manners, now own his behaviour and practices "Respect". This is because for many years he's been playing soccer, netball, hockey ect (metaphorically)..but the language of school is Australian Rules...if we want this child to succeed, I need to teach him how to play. He may never be an AFL rising star (or he might be), but by gosh, he'll know how to play. And for this child I can't expect to put the goal posts in the same place as other students. They need to be closer. But as we start achieving, we can move them forward. However, crucial to this success is that home and school both have the goal posts in the same place.

Explained like this, the parent broke down. "Finally someone understands" she said.

Here's what I believe:

It's not enough to teach. You have to get down on the students level, literally and become an example of what you want them to be. Instructions need to be simple and expecting. If there's power struggles, you need to walk away and allow that child to back down- and they will. If a child is not compliant simply state "Your behaviour is understandable, but it's not excusable. I need you to..."

I practice this with my students. I play their game of cricket at lunchtime, and I'll do an activity with them. When helping, I'll often go and sit beside the student and just talk to them calmly and casually. Many students find it hard to talk when you look them in the eye- it's not a sign of disrespect if they cant- it's actually a sign of respect. Try it sometime.

I've got so much more to put here but I shall leave it at that for today. Thanks to all those who have been checking back and keeping up to date.

Lastly if there's any teachers reading this who wish to help my class next term with the theme of "Our world" and would like to link classrooms, PLEASE e-mail me. I'm desperate to get the global connection working with my students, and we'd love to share with you!

The art of being a successful graduate teacher

2008-03-02T16:31:00.002+11:00

I'm now officially five weeks into my teaching career, and all I can say is that there's a lot to be said for caffeine. Apologies must be made to those who have been awaiting the next installment of my adventures, and reports of what Teaching Is Really Like.

As you would know by now, I'm the Teacher of a group of 24 students in the grade 3/4 segment of a primary school in a country town about 4 hours from Melbourne. The past 4 weeks have seen our room change from a blank space into a creative area, with the installment of slogans such as "Respect" and "Confidence", and next week we will focus on "Persistence".

I've also learnt that in the real world life begins at 7 am, and finishes around 9.30 (any time past that and I'm asleep) and that sometimes the truth is that the only reason you're teaching is for payday (and it's a nice feeling when there's actually money there).

I've learnt to seperate myself on different levels- God of War is great for frustration, but sometimes when space is needed I like to go for a long bike ride (or half walk half ride due to the hills around here). I also love my iPod at the moment- for the times when I can't get space, I whack that in and take myself into groove mode.

I love the fact that some things can make you laugh, but an awful lot makes you cry. And being a graduate you cry a lot. It comes as part of the territory. Hard things are being 100's of km's away from friends or not having time to call or write. Knowing that you need a break but it won't come for awhile.

Wanting to blog, but not being able to (stupid internet blocked it at school).

Fantastic things: kids making you laugh everyday, a secret chockie frog stash, cricket at lunchtime, hugs from kids and stuff like "you're awesome miss" to the "you're alright".

A bigger account to come later, but know that this blog will get a full report soon.

Love T.

Teaching yourself to be an individual

2008-01-24T13:15:00.002+11:00

The countdown is now on- it's only 4 days till the start of the Victorian school year in Australia. What makes it even scarier this year is that I'm expected to turn up on my first day and act like a fully qualified graduate of a grade 3/4 classroom.

When you're at University you never expect to one day be facing the career head on that you've been spending the last 3/4 years completing a degree in. It seems like a distant, far off dream, a world that you only enter once you are old and grown up.

Unfortunately one day you find yourself standing on the edge of this career and realising that this now, is the real world. I have to say that personally the reality of my position didn't hit me until yesterday when I was standing in my classroom re-arranging chairs and tables for over an hour, trying to find the right combination- not an easy task when you are as pedantic as I am!

Being a graduate also means that you're being watched all the time- people are evaluating you, trying to get to know you, judging you're methods- and it's almost like you have to put up a front, a wall to try and protect some part of yourself.

On the flipside of this of course, is the ability to finally do all the stuff that you've always wanted to- because suddenly you are the teacher- almost an opportunity to re-invent yourself.

I mention all of this because I think that the best teachers are Individuals (note the capital "I"). They're slightly crazy or have weird habits. They're described as "awesome miss" and maybe even that c word..you know...cool....

Which means that as I embark on my career, I want to be a total professional but also the teacher that you love to have. I'm hoping to be a role model for my kids, and to be the best teacher that I can be. I hope I'm the teacher that encourages and not discourages, that takes risks and isn't afraid to have a crack at stuff.

So, slowly I'm teaching myself to be an individual, and the first part of this was to go and buy a new bike, so I can ride to school everyday. I bought myself a GT Outpost and it's fantastic. Awesome ride, rigid and the disc brakes make a huge difference. But I didn't stop there, because I've had my eye on a bike trailer for ages. The K9 Carrier handles 45kg- and I'm planning some camping trips really soon.

So to sum up- if you're a teacher out there reading this, I'd like you to think about what makes you an individual. It's so easy to get lost in teacher land, and yet you're identity is so crucial to the classroom. Perhaps it's time to review you're career, or teaching method and make this the best year yet.

One Dell of a day

2008-01-15T13:15:00.000+11:00

Around this time of year it becomes essential to give your computers a good spring-clean, by formatting or upgrading them. Personally, I always get a real itch to wipe off and start again.

Now the average computer is not that hards to upgrade - whack off the case, shove some stuff in, pull some dusty old stuff out. Brilliant. Turn it on and hope there are no "beep beeps" or blue screens of death headed your way. Anyway, Turtle decided that she would like me to assist with adding some RAM and a new DVD writer to her trusty old Dell desktop. 'Easy as,' I said. And so began an afternoon of pulling stuff off stuff with, er.. stuff.

I thought I would share some "computer safety tips" with the reading audience out there, that Turtle and I adhered to while we had our arms deep in the gooey guts of electronic equipment.

Firstly, it is important to ground yourself. Static electricity is the ENEMY!!!! of sensitive chips and the like. So when working inside a machine, keep one hand on the metal part of the case to deter static, or wear a uber-cool nerdy wristband that clips on to the case (I admit to having one of those...)

Secondly, when you try and remove the case or other hardware, don't force it. You might break the tender and sensitive plastic coating that Dell just loves to coat absolutely everything needlessly in. Like on the front of the case, for instance (see above pic of the Dell Dimension 2400.) That grey plastic has a lip on it that stops you pulling out the disk drives from the front. Try and do it from the side, and oh no! There's a big fat power supply in the way. Decide to go in from the opposite side and you hit RivetWorld! Arrrghhhh! So what to do.. what to do..

Turtle and I are in agreement that appearances rarely matter. We are hanging around each other, smelly, dirty, hair not done... and that's just Turtle! It should be pointed out at this stage that Turtle's DVD drive has not been functional for over a year. So she will do anything to get this thing in. Even if it involves taking a box knife to the case...

So we started sawing away. But box knives arent made to cut through tough ol' Dell plastic. We were cutting through the grey pieces on the side of the DVD drive as this was the only way we could get the thing into the cramped case (The old drive had to stay in there!!!! Totally useless but aesthetically pleasing.)

So after sawing for a while, we realised this was going to take a looong time. So it was at this moment when Turtle triumphantly emerged from under her bed with (drumroll) a set of fishing knives. Big fishing knives. Suitable for gutting fish and scaring away intruders. And maybe the odd cat.

But we also found another use for them... they cut Dell plastic! So in the end we got that new drive in there and it worked a treat. Then, as it only had one screw holding it in place, Turtle decided to use some bright blue electrical tape and surgically attach the drive to the front of the case.

Like we said, appearances don't matter.

Not only does Dell seem to have a problem with designing easy-access cases, they also don't really know much about making an internal fan that works. The case was packed-full with dustbunnies. As in, an inch thick! Now, if they didnt have the plasticky plastic green cover over their processor fan, I bet there would be less dust sucked up in there! What a mess.

So to add to the appearance, Turtle installed some flywire over the gaping holes in the fan-free case where the dust was getting through. As we said...

Turtle and I have been friends for a while now and we have both grown up in this town. It's good - not big, but it has most things. One thing it was in need of was a good computer store. So Stage 2 of our Dellification Day was to go down the street and get some RAM. I had to explain to Turtle that a RAM from the paddock wouldn't do.

So we ventured into the a certain computer store that was "2007 IT Retailer of the Year" in the town, or whatever. This might be a place to get a stick of that good yummy memory stuff. Turtle and I enter the lair. Two females greet us with lots of teeth and ask us what we would like. It went something like this.

"We need some RAM for an upgrade."

"Let me check (comes back) Um, we don't sell RAM off-the-shelf. But we can install it for you (with a $40 service fee.)"

"Um, no. We just want to buy it to put it in ourselves. Can we get it here?"

"What type do you need?"

"DDR. About 512MB. That's all."

"I'll be back (comes back) Do you know the speed you need?"

"Speed? That doesnt matter if the RAM is backwards compatible..."

"I'll get the technician. (comes back with weird looking guy) What type do you need?"

"(sigh) DDR. 512MB. Do you have any ? "

"What model is it for?"

"(narrowed eyes, thinking it doesnt matter) Dell. Dimension 2400."

"I'll have to look it up for you on a RAM finder. Do you know the speed?"

"No. I don't need to know the speed.."

"Yes you do. Come back and tell us the speed and we *might* be able to sell it to you. We can install it if you like..."

"No thanks! We um, might be back."

So we leave. And go somewhere else - Dick Smith (recently opened in town.) This is how the conversation went there!

"Do you have any RAM we can install off-the-shelf?"

"Yes. Come this way. What type?"

"DDR."

"What size are you after?"

"512MB-ish."

"Here you go. Anything else we can help you with?"

Yay!!!!!

So we would like to say a big thankyou to DSE for being sooo uncomplicated and down the line with us, and NOT thinking we knew nothing just because we were female. The guy commented that RAM is one of the easiest things to install (which it is!) and did not talk down on us like the previous "Retailer of the Year" store did.

So I installed the RAM and off the Dell went, happy as anything with its expanded multi-tasking ability. I also repaired the 'Slug', Turtle's secondary laptop that was given to her by her father's boss. The system date said 1988. Oh. 20 years ago... reason it won't boot. Easy enough.

But who would have thought the Y2K bug could still hit? The funny thing was, my own laptop did the same thing the next day, so I am wondering, maybe I'm a carrier now?

And now, with the reformatting of Turtle's primary laptop, my mission is complete! (I hope.) Oh the fun of being a nerd with nothing else to do but fiddle.

Written by M, Turtle's guest blogger of the day and IT extraordinaire with a grudge against Dells (Take that! I have a fishing knife!)

Thanks to Turtle for letting me invade her blog. She thought I could tell the story better. ;)

After 5 years of friendship...

2008-01-15T13:12:00.000+11:00

M turns to me and says:

"Your mum's quiet smart isn't she?"

New Year, New Journal

2008-01-10T10:49:00.000+11:00

I love Art.

It's true.

But- what I've found is that Art is mostly discovered through the "aha" moment. It might be a painting or a statement on the footpath. It could be through the discovery of a blog such as Go Flying Turtle or through a gift.

It's in this "aha" moment that we make a choice. I don't like to put stereotypes in place, or talk about ability in Art, but for those of us blessed with restrained talent the choice is sometimes hard to make.

Appreciating others work is critical to understanding Art. But further to that point, one must appreciate but not envy the work of others- to look with new eyes and discover ideas for future projects or refine the untamed talent.

Personally, my "aha" moment occured about a year ago, and since then I haven't looked back. I've been inspired by websites such as Wreck this Journal, 1001 Journals and Journal Fodder Junkies.

Outside the cyber world, I've been hitting the Library. I love libraries. It makes me appreciate how lucky I am to be able to access all this knowledge, these stories and particularly the children's picture books- a great resource for ideas. Another favourite book of mine is 30,000 years of Art. I purchased this recently and fell in love all over again.

I'm proud to say that I've just completed my first journal! It's amazing to be able to flick through the last year and see what my thoughts or talents were at the time. I will share some of the highlights soon.

Lastly I want to point out that you don't need fancy materials to start a journal, and that a journal can contain anything you like- it can be a diary, a record of pictures, sketches, watercolour washes, doodles and the list goes on.

So, how about it? A new year, a new journal!

Turtle's 2008 wishlist:

1. Prismacolor pencils.
2. Moleskine journal.
3. Improved ability to draw Dragons.
4. A classroom full of art- a creativity corner, drawing wall, wondering wall.
5. Inspiration.

Street Art in Darwin

2007-12-29T15:43:00.000+11:00

The above are examples of street art found in Smith Street, Darwin. It was FANTASTIC to see Art so publicly displayed, and see the barriers between Art and life destroyed.

Walking Darwin

2007-12-29T15:34:00.000+11:00

Litchfield National Park Part 2

2007-12-29T15:25:00.000+11:00

Litchfield National Park

2007-12-29T14:52:00.000+11:00

Turtle and Ames enjoyed a day out at Litchfield National Park. It was a fantastic day full of wonderful sights and sounds before it turned serious.

As they visited the last attraction of the day, the Termite Mounds, Ames accidentally locked the keys in the car. This wouldn't normally be a problem except that we were stuck in the middle of a National Park with no mobile phone service and no way of getting into the car (unless we broke a window). This idea was ruled out though, because the car belonged to Ames' housemate.

Instead Turtle and Ames decided that they should wait for help, and flag down some cars. Let me just state that this isn't advised and movies such as Wolf Creek have gone a long way in destroying the Australian spirit of helping your fellow mate.

As we stood on the road in the pouring rain with nothing more than t-shirts and shorts on, and no provisions, we were passed by no less than 6 cars who all slowed down and then sped off again- and let me point out we looked far from threatening- instead we looked exhausted and worried.

It worries me that a person would do this, but I do accept that it's not usually a great idea to stop for strangers in a National Park. We had been offered help by some tourists from Brisbane but they insisted that we leave the car and go with them- not advisable in Darwin- or that one of us go- no way, if anything we go together. Instead we asked them to send a message at the next town- something they didn't do.

Finally 2 hours later, 2 guys and a girl came along and helped us out. The couldn't open the door even with the coathanger we eventually found- so they drove us into town explaining that they would drive us back and help us break into the car if we couldn't get any assistance.

Luckily eventually, we found a mechanic who charged us $150 to open the car. Whilst this might seem expensive, I don't put a price on safety. It was getting dark, we were wet, there was no shelter and nobody knew we were there, so no one would get worried when we didn't come home.

In summary: If you are planning to travel in Australia, or indeed Litchfield National Park- BE PREPARED. Take a jacket even when it's 35 degree's with 80% humidity, at least 4 litres of water per person and let someone know your plans.

And lastly a plea to my fellow Australians- if you see people stranded, please stop and help. You might not be able to render assistance in the way it's needed, but you might have a spare bottle of water or a blanket or jacket that could be greatly appreciated. And if you say you will seek help on their behalf at the next town, please do.

Australians are known for their "no worries mate" approach. Im just upset that I witnessed the complete opposite in extreme circumstances.

iTurtle

2007-12-28T11:16:00.000+11:00

Meet the iTurtle. 80 Gigabytes of music bliss.

I for one, never thought that I would become a part of the iGeneration.

And finally, I gave in.

I think I'm in love.

In search of a sunset

2007-12-24T23:01:00.001+11:00

After arriving in Darwin, it was time for Turtle to settle into her friend Ames' house.

Here they are posing out the front.

The interior of Ames' house was modest, but very modern.

Turtle was then exposed to Ames' bullshitting in the pool, which caused great concern before they both finally crashed in anticipation of the following day's excitement.

Ames didn't get a lot of sleep that night so she was a bit snappy on the next days tourist tour.

However Turtle gave Ames her space, and they made up again which brought Turtle great joy.

Turtle and Ames went for a walk on the beach where Turtle turned to Ames and announced: "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts".

Ames then tried to beat this joke by pronouncing "I found crabs at Mindall Beach".

Turtle didn't try to beat this. Instead she simply seached for patterns on the beach.

Finally they found what they had been looking for: A sunset.

And it was spectacular!

A very special thanks to Ames for being my host and taking me to the Darwin Museum, Parat Markets, Mindall Beach & the Casino.

Day One in Darwin

2007-12-21T11:50:00.000+11:00

Every child in Australia grows up knowing the Banana's in Pyjama's (B1 & B2 for short). This photo was taken in the children's section of the library and I just loved it. Merry Christmas!

An example of a Top End sky- it rained shortly after this was taken.

The first thing I noticed about the houses here are the huge fences that enclose them (about 1m high). Most houses are two story with palm trees and developed gardens around them. This serves a double purpose- of cooling the house and allowing for a Cyclone shelter underneath. This picture is taken opposite the bus shelter, and belongs to an Italian couple- I loved their garden, so lush and green.

Like a storm in a teacup

2007-12-20T10:06:00.000+11:00

Well, I'm here.

And let me just get this out of the way: Darwin is HOT. As my friend A that I'm staying with would say- it's not the heat that will get you, it's the humidity.

God works in mysterious ways- yesterday as I left home I kept seeing Him- this beautiful and weird cloud development, then a sunset, the joy of a child discovering the airport and watching the plane being loaded/fueled- and then, as we were flying over- this storm. It started off being really far off- and it would explode and light up the sky...and then, we flew through it. Cue thoughts of Lost and gripping the armrests (not that it would help much).

Stay tuned for some photographs!

"We'd like to offer you a job"

2007-12-15T13:31:00.000+11:00

After a month of searching, 10 job applications and 3 interviews, I have a job.

Yes, that's right- I HAVE A JOB!!

2008 will see me commencing as a grade 3/4 teacher at a primary school about an hour from where I currently reside.

We live in exciting times!

Countdown to a Christmas in Darwin

2007-12-08T21:16:00.000+11:00

I'm proud to be Australian. There's a phrase in the National Anthem that states "For we are young and free" and it sums up how I feel as 2007 draws to a close. On a more personal note this year, I've been busier than ever and more flat out than a lizard in the sun.

Last month, I finally finished my degree and experienced this weird "Wow it's finally over, this is not real, and suddenly there's no more academia in my life...maybe I should have done more...nah, I did my best...it can't be over...oh watch out here comes the real world".

So now I'm a teacher. Or, I would be if the Victorian Institute of Teaching would send me a letter, and I could get a job. You see, there's a few things that they don't tell you at University. There are jobs out there for the newly graduated (indeed, Victoria has the Graduate system set up to specifically target this), but trying to get a job is extremely hard work.

To date I've applied for 10 jobs. And I haven't been successful. And rejection is not an easy pill to swallow. It appears to me that finding a job is all about pleasing humanity on some level. To get a job, we need to please someone. In my case, it's a selection panel- of three people.

To please someone we have to prove ourselves. This means demonstrating our abilities. The hard part is matching those abilities with the employers desires.

I want so badly to teach and yet at the moment I'm pretty discouraged. I've tried my hardest, and had an interview but missed out by 2 people. What I've learnt is this- if my plans are not in line with God's then I'm not going anywhere.

Next week sees me at another interview after being head hunted for a job- it's a job beyond my wildest dreams, and it utterly terrifies me. And it's in the area of Special Needs Education. That's the thing with God- he takes our dreams and desires and goes beyond them. And all of a sudden I'm so glad for the faith that I have- because there is no need for me to prove myself to God- He loves me for who I am, and what I am. He loves me for all of my failures and faults, for all my abilities and talents, for who I am and am becoming. He loves me.

My futures so bright I gotta wear shades.

Lastly, after four years of scrimping and saving, I'm leaving on the 19th of December to go to Darwin. And I'm really excited. Christmas in a new place, without family and back to basics. I can't wait. Stand by for photo's and blogs about this.

So to some up this is my message: Rejection is horrible. And you can either go on pleasing humanity, looking to yourself and others for happiness, or you can look up to a God who loves you. I know it's cliche. But it's true.

Here's to a Holy Christmas and not a Humanitarian Christmas.

Thomas pt.2

2007-11-28T11:27:00.000+11:00

Thomas

Thomas is now 8 weeks old and doing incredibly well. Some say he looks just like Turtle's brother (Thomas' Dad) and grandparents have been reported to comment this repeatedly.

Photo of siblings together coming soon.

And then there was......... nothing.

2007-11-23T16:22:00.000+11:00

I

Have

Finished

My

Degree

!

Here's some highlights:

"Ms. Turtle I couldn't think of anything to do in Art today so I just did Elvis"

"No, she's not married cause she doesn't have a ring!
"Yes she is cause all teachers are married!"

[after hugging child in yard that I am friends with- student looks at me seriously and asks:
"Mrs. Turtle is that you're daughter?"

[Child learns that it is my final day today and says]
"I'm going to give you one hundred million trillion billion zillion 600 thousand trousand and 1, 2000 and zillion pieces of chocolate....OR...$150"

"Girls can marry girls you know"- [smart child for a 7 year old]

Some favourite teacher phrases of mine:

"Tough toenails"

"Go and find you're manners and then come back and talk to me"

"What were you thinking about when you....."

"No, go back and colour it in...properly this time....no, I mean it....sit down...here, use this pencil..now colour...NO, I am NOT doing it for you!"

"Where's you're have a go book [for spelling]?"

"How can you solve the problem?"

"Go away...NOW"

And last but not least..the very best teacher phrase ever:

"WHERE'S MY COFFEE?"

Oh and one last thing:

CONGRATULATIONS JONNY AND POTTER!!

Head on over to Jonny's blog (The blogs of an IT nerd in the country) and congratulate him.

I'm so proud of you my friend, and the drink of you're choice is on me.

The day will come when you think of yourself as a Teacher

2007-10-20T11:01:00.000+10:00

First of all, apologies to all those people who have contacted me recently to remind me that this blog hasn't been updated in awhile.

Turtle is currently on her teaching practicum, in which she drives to school each day for seven weeks and pretends that she's a professional, and that she can indeed teach. Thus, of late, Turtle has been incredibly tired and busy, so that updating her blog is the last thing she intended to do.

In about 22 days, Turtle will complete her degree, giving a new meaning to the phrase "I'm a Stud. In B. Ed".

The real world is now calling her- to think of what she really wants to do with her future, and causing much reflection upon those joyous four years spent in a place where concrete was a fashion statement to be proud of.

But, on a deeper level Turtle has been realising just how much she enjoyed her time there and the care and dedication to her education that this University provided. So much so that she wishes she was back there, to hang out with her classmates and lecturers one more time.

To Jonny, Aaron and Potter- Missing you guys a lot. Call me sometime!

On a lighter note, Turtle is very much enjoying said practicum- so much so that she would like a job there...and is having great fun with her year one class. She has a fantastic mentor, and teaches 17 children (17!!!!). This last week has seen her teaching Literacy, next week is Mathematics. Turtle will be teaching the concept of money, so for all those international readers of mine, send me some of yours so that my children may learn about different cultures....

Funny moment of the week: Turtle reading book about different countries to her class- and asking students to pronounce the word "Lebanon"...students struggle...finally one female member pipes up "Lesbian"...and moving on...

I have also moved from a "Miss" to a "Mrs" in about 2 weeks. No, I didn't get married (or maybe I did). My students have just forgotten the difference, but rather than correct them, I've let it slide. I could do with a special someone in my life, even if they are just an illusion for the moment.

There is so much to tell you about, so please stand by for a further update (with pictures). Thanks to all who've reminded me that this blog is worth reading and for prodding me to keep it up.

Love Turtle

Welcome to the world Thomas!

2007-09-27T13:42:00.000+10:00

Monday the 24th of September, 2007.

12:24 Western Australian time.

Thomas James enters the world.

Son to Alex and Alison.

Brother to Lauren and Zoe.

Nephew to Turtle & her brother.

The birth sampler is nearly complete, awaiting the final additions of Thomas' name and date of birth. But already that feeling of being Auntie Turtle all over again is overwhelming. Lauren & Zoe are excited to finally have their brother, and I have to say it's a brilliant thing that they do, if mine are anything to go by.

"And so my lifesong sings"

Changing World: Final Departure

2007-09-19T19:48:00.000+10:00

I've had these lyrics up on my wall for the entire year, above my bed.

CHANGING WORLD: KUTLESS

I thought I had it all under control
I thought my fate was still in my hands
All of my plans were firmly set
By the words that I say
I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

(Chorus)
My life is not what I thought
I'm not where I planned to be
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world

I need to let go of my destiny
I need to trust in things unseen
I believe in having faith
Though I yield my control
I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

(Chorus)
My life is not what I thought
I'm not where I planned to be
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world

I'm embracing all of my fears
I am watching them turn to delight
The very fears which
Were gripping my mind
Are now the hands shaping and sculpting my dreams

(Chorus)
My life is not what I thought
I'm not where I planned to be
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world

In my world
In my changing world
In my world
In my changing world

I wrote these out on my first night on residence, to remind me that in my final year, there was nothing wrong with change.

As I sit here, packing up my belongings for the final time (and the 8th) to move out of Residence, it strikes me that I am not nostalgic or sad, but instead, accepting of my changing world.

To celebrate this final night, I will be having a few brewski's (beers), and hanging out with some of the residents here. A party, of sorts.

To everything there is a season. And as this season finishes, I can't wait for the next.

I'm torn in pieces; I'm blind and waiting for you

2007-09-19T00:22:00.000+10:00

Jeremiah 29: 11-14.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Three weeks ago, I wrote this e-mail to a friend, following job interviews held in Melbourne:

It's a weird feeling to finally be able to sit back and just have free time on my hands. Time to relax and do other activities and time to think about where I'm going and what I'm doing. And I guess in some way that I never thought that I would get here, that somehow four years would simply remain to always be there. But 10 weeks away from graduation, I'm realising more and more that my time here at University is over, that it's limited and now I have to look towards something new.

I've been thinking a lot about how in some ways I finally feel free, like I've fulfilled a commitment that I made when I was young and naive. When I thought that I was hot stuff and that I would set the world on fire. I still think I'm hot stuff, but I tend to think about how to light the fire and control it before just pouring petrol on wet leaves.

I've known for a long time that this is what I want to do. I want to join the army as an education officer. And I want that so fiercely, so strongly that I can't picture doing anything else. It's like doing my degree all over again, and just knowing that this is what is my plan, that this is my truth. And as I sat on the bus yesterday, I heard God say three things so clearly in my ear: "Fear not for I am with you...He leadeth me beside the still waters, He restoreth my soul". I didn't get the bolt of lightning from the sky, or prophecy. I just got the quiet steadfast knowledge that as I stepped out in faith in my decision, God had my back.

And I think that's what marks me now, as a young woman of God- that quiet confidence that no matter what, God will always be my rock, and my life. I might not always show it, or make the best decisions, but I know that He's in everything I do.

Last weekend, I arrived home to a confidential letter, addressed to me. There’s no easy way to say it, so I just will: My application has been rejected by the Australian Armed Forces.

There’s no words to describe how I feel, no comfort that can be gained from anger or frustration or passing comments of “It wasn’t meant to be”. I know all that. And yet I still feel kicked in the guts.

But as I read the words I wrote three weeks ago, I’ve come to realise one thing. God has a plan for me, and it’s so much bigger than I can dare to dream. In my own words:

God will always be my rock, and my life. I might not always show it, or make the best decisions, but I know that He's in everything I do.

I feel I’m being tested, and that eventually when I lift my eyes up to the hills, there will be an answer on where to from here. But right now, I feel jaded and confused.

I don’t often ask people to pray for me, but I’m asking now. For a revelation on my future. For assistance to not be drawn to feelings of depression and helplessness, but instead drawn to the hope that is in God.

I know many of my readers here are not Christian, and it doesn’t bother me in the least. For those of my multi-faith readers, I’d love prayer from you as well.

I’m left with a Bachelor of Education (P-10) [Information & Communications Technology, English] and a strong desire to avoid teaching at all costs. And the knowledge that there’s nothing that I want to do.

So world, here’s your chance. I’m qualified. And I’m willing. If you’d like to offer me a job, I’d like to hear from you.

Hey, a girl can only try.

One. Word. Meme.

2007-09-13T19:32:00.000+10:00

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk.
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/S.O.? Absent
3. Your hair? Washed.
4. Your mother? Complex.
5. Your father? Quiet.
6. Your favorite item? Space.
7. Your dream last night? Unforgettable.
8. Your favorite drink? Chai.
9. Your dream car? Bugatti.
10. The room you are in? Mine.
11. Your ex? Absent.
12. Your fear? Failure.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy.
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Potter.
15. What you’re not? Simple.
16. The last thing you did? Read.
17. What are you wearing? Hoodie.
18. Your favorite book? Engaging.
19. The last thing you ate? Spaghetti.
20. Your life? Complicated.
21. Your mood? Frazzled.
22. Your friends? Constant.
23. What are you thinking about right now? Truth.
24. Your car? Dirty.
25. What are you doing at the moment? Blogging.
26. Your summer? Working.
27. Your relationship status? Available.
28. What is on your TV? Nothing.
29. When is the last time you laughed? Today.
30. Last time you cried? Today.
31. School? Finished.

After the X Files

2007-09-10T19:27:00.000+10:00

The X Files freaked me out as a kid. Seriously. Just the music was enough to scare the pants off me, and knowing my fear, my brothers used to play on this, telling me that one day, I too would be abducted by aliens. To my knowledge, that hasn’t happened yet, but then as Mulder would say, “That’s what they want you to believe”. After having recently acquired the first four seasons, I decided that now I’m a bit older, and my rational mind is a bit more developed, I’d give it another go.

And yes, I love it.

But, to all good things there is an end…and mine is that I don’t have any more seasons, just when it was getting good. Hang on I hear you say, Turtle through the wonders of the internet, we have what’s called “eBay”.

And dear reader, you’re right. I’d love nothing more than a surprise *hint hint* present of Season Five. But this has lead me to greater thoughts, that being:

Is there such thing as original thought?

With the knowledge economy well and truly booming, we know have access to whatever we want to know in an instant. But I wonder where all that education is sending us. It’s truly a brilliant thing that now, anyone can educate themselves to a desired standard, and knowledge is no longer limited to the exclusive or Bourgeoisie.

But perhaps, where once brilliant thoughts and breathtaking ideals came from those with a higher wisdom, and they realistically changed our world, I’m sad to say that I don’t see much of that anymore. It seems that we all subscribe to the same thought patterns, that we’ve become clones of each other, and the only way to resist this is to resist the progression of the knowledge economy.

I wonder to what extent I’m being controlled, and just who is controlling me. I don’t think the idea of Big Brother is that far from the truth. It seems that wherever I go, I must let somebody else control me in order to succeed.

One could say that this system has always been in place and that indeed, the class system is there to allow society to function effectively. It makes you question whether we could abandon a class system, or how I as an individual overcome it without effectively reinforcing it.

And this leads me to think- how far have we actually evolved?

We still have so much to learn, so much to conquer, so many fears to confront- and yet it seems that without this original thought, without a sacrifice, this will never occur. We aren’t learning from the past, we’re just sinking back into it.

And yet, if I think like this, then I wouldn’t be able to face life.

There is always a cost.

So yes, if anyone is feeling generous and would like to buy me a present, or indeed if you've got copies of the seasons you no longer require, e-mail me. Let's talk.

And here's Mum telling me that TV would kill all my brain cells.

Can't you sleep little bear? [Part 3]

2007-09-10T18:23:00.000+10:00

Starting on the backstitch tonight- I completed Little Bear about 10 minutes ago. I also have the rest of the bottom stitches to go.

My tension is pretty tight- note, it's not a good idea to stitch when stressed.

I expect the project to be finished in about 2 days- then it's a matter of waiting until the birth to put Lil' Jimmy's name on it (note, this in an affectionate name at the moment).

Can't you sleep little bear? [Part 2]

2007-09-09T20:09:00.000+10:00

Big Bear now has a head! [And is very nearly complete]

Can't you sleep little bear?

2007-09-08T20:05:00.001+10:00

[Current stitching to date]

As I nervously await the arrival of my nephew, it’s led me to finally pick up the needle and thread to start his birth sampler. The chosen pattern is taken from “Can’t you sleep little bear?” by Martin Waddell.

This is a wonderful child’s story book about Little Bear, who can’t sleep even with the biggest lantern by his bedside, until Big Bear comes up with an ingenious solution. Another brilliant child’s story book is “Guess how much I love you”.

I was unable to read until Grade One. I don’t remember the moment when I realized I could read, but this love was fostered by my mother. I think it’s even more important now, with a world of knowledge at our fingertips, to read to our children.

More importantly, I think it’s important to spend time with our children, actively sharing books such as “Can’t you sleep little bear?” and “Guess how much I love you”. The messages in these books are so amazing- try reading “Guess how much I love you” without shedding a tear.

For some time, I’ve felt a pull to write a book for my nieces and nephew, explaining how much I love them, and how important they are. And all my belief that I cannot draw or that it’s a silly idea won’t stop me from achieving this goal.

It’s the most wonderful gift a child can know- the love and belief in them from those important in their life.

As adults, we should take the time to BOOST those around us- with words of encouragement and love. By simply taking time to acknowledge those around us. Kindness is contagious, and as John Lennon would say, “Imagine” what that could do.

So I challenge you, to spread the love. Pick up the phone, knock on the next door, talk to the lady on the checkout, or simply commit a random act of kindness.

Stranger at the Gate

2007-09-06T19:56:00.000+10:00

It’s not often that I talk about religious issues on my blog, or attempt to fully explore an issue, but I’ve felt compelled to do this. Please be aware that the following content may offend.

Matthew 7

Judging Others

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Ask, Seek, Knock

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

“Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”- John 14:23

Today I want to talk about homosexuality.

If you would like to avoid this issue, I encourage you to click on that red button at right top hand side of your screen.

In particular I’d like to talk about Christian Homosexuality. A recent hot topic, this has been in the forefront of my mind at the moment, and I’ve finally reached a point at which I can express my belief.

I first encountered Rob Bell’s books at M’s place. Sitting on her bookshelf late one night, I began to read Velvet Elvis, and indeed I have posted about this book before. I thought it was brilliant, that finally, I’d found somebody out there that thought like me.

It was Sex God that really opened my eyes though. If you haven’t read these books, then I encourage you to. I know we hear about recommendations for books, but honestly, it started my train of thought that has now come to this point.

Consider Matthew 7. Here Jesus speaks directly to us, and warns of the danger of judging, and indeed pointing out the faults of others without looking at our own. Wise words that we should heed. There is a time and a place for speaking in truth and love, and this too is encouraged in the good book, but only when it seeks to encourage or correct a person- not when it is spoken from an individuals forced attempts at belief onto another.

Love is a tricky notion. It’s cannot be explained or defied and it comes in many forms. A few months ago, I attached a link to my blog over to Babycakes. It’s written by a Lesbian couple with a 5 month old son, Finn. I’ve followed their journey and I want to make it clear here that although I supply links, I do not push for anyone to follow.

This is my blog, written by a 21 year old student. It’s an attempt at understanding my world, my faith with new eyes. It’s my attempt to find meaning, even when it’s only obvious to me. And most of all it’s about encouraging a Christian faith of love.

My faith continues to expand and as I explored the concept of Homosexuality, naturally it led to the investigation of Christian Homosexuality. Where once horrified by the thought of Homosexuality, I’m now horrified at my faith, and the followers of Jesus Christ and their attempts to “ignore, destroy and rid” the church of the issue.

I’m even more ashamed when I encounter books such as Stranger at the Gate: To be Gay and Christian in America by Mel White. Here are real, living, feeling humans just like you and me. And because they’re attracted to a girl instead of a guy, or vice versa, it’s appalling just how much we fall short of Jesus message.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Jesus never turns away those who seek him. God doesn’t stand at the door and think “If I hear that doorbell one more time I’m going to scream”. It occurs to me that the biggest hurdle for the Christian faith is not getting people to God, but Christians themselves standing in the way of God getting to that individual.

It’s not wrong to believe that Homosexuality is a sin. After all, isn’t that what the bible teaches? Yes. There are famous verses you can look up that have led to Christian Doctrine on this issue. But surely what is wrong is refusing to examine the other side of the story.

I refer here to www.gaychurch.org

There’s some fantastic articles there that you can read, and I’m not saying that you have to even change your mind. But please, take the time to just examine the other side of this issue.

“Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”- John 14:23

Consider this verse in the context of taking our faith and actively obeying God. It’s not easy is it? We all fall short, we all screw up, and yet God still stands there wanting to love us.

And I can’t help but think that this is where I fail. When I come across something that directly challenges my faith, I can’t forgive that person for screwing up, angering me because they fell short. That’s some plank in my eye isn’t it?

So why do I say all this:

I’m one of those Christians. You know. The ones that actively get labeled as living in sin, screwing it up and not following God himself, because I don’t respond with great bible passages to all those topics that are discussed.

I’m one of those Christians. The ones that believe that in the end all that matters is the heart.

So, if you’re homosexual and Christian, I want to make this clear: God loves you. And I’m so glad he never says- “You need to grow up, get a haircut and change your sexuality before I start loving you”. I’m so glad that my God says “Face it, you can’t change the fact I love you, just as you are. I made you, so stop fighting me”.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?

We need to stop giving out stones and snakes.

We need to stop pretending that it's simply okay to continue spreading hurt and shame.

God gave us these brilliant minds, and yet we fail so much to use them.

And He gave us hearts, that we limit so much.

He gave us all this, and yet we still get it wrong.

If you’re struggling. If you’re Gay. If you’re Lesbian. If you’re TransGender. If you just keep falling into that hole thinking that God hates you and doesn’t want to know you, my brother, my sister, you are wrong.

I’m here today not to preach on the ethics of Homosexuality or debate it, but simply to say one thing:

It doesn’t matter who you are. Where you are reading this from. What persuasion, race, creed or colour you are.

I LOVE YOU. GOD LOVES YOU.

And if you think that God’s not listening, believe me, He’s just waiting to give you an answer.

If you think God’s continually punishing you, He’s not. You just haven’t been rewarded yet.

And if you think God is some small being, without a clue, o boy.

Building 429: “The space in between us”

Here I am, saying I need you I know I need you
Here I am, I'm coming to meet you,
Cause I want to see you

All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is the space in between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is the space in between us
Erase it and bring us together again"

The Lads: "I'll leave the Looking up to Jesus"

I'll leave the looking up to Jesus
He'll pick the one thats right for me
And I know no need to worry,
I'll carry on serving him faithfully"

Finally

2007-09-05T19:37:00.000+10:00

So I've finally finished.

Turtle the Undergraduate is the not so Undergraduate as of about 1pm today.

The final assignments are in, and the final marks are back.

And I've passed.

I regret that it was a rush to the finish line, with an all nighter to finish 3 assignments off, but as always in this University career, God has had my back. Amazingly, I made it to 5.30 am without any assistance- ie. Red Bull, Coke, Caffeine in any form.

Then, it was up at 8 am, and all go until about 12pm.

The whole finishing thing may not sound like much, but it's a huge deal for me. Finally, I've just got permission to stop and to know that after four years, one laptop keyboard and CD/DVD rom drive, an amazing ridiculous amount of paper, an equally ridiculous amount of hours spent researching and writing, I've managed to get 3 little letters.

B. Ed.

And that's where I've spent the last 5 hours. Sleeping.

But just before you think this means a rest, oh no. In 4 weeks time I start on my final teaching round (7 weeks) and I think that's going to be an even bigger "I've done it" moment.

I wish I could say that I've celebrated with someone but the truth be told I've felt incredibly alone today. Wishing that friends weren't quite so far, and wanting to break out the chocolate milk with them. Thinking "Am I alone in this?" and just wanting someone in some form to recognise what a significant thing this is for me.

This is really big.

Tomorrow is an equally BIG day for those among you who know what it is- something that I am keeping under my hat for the moment. Please pray it all goes well. And I shall let you know how it all turns out.

Love Turtle

Ode to Degree

2007-09-04T15:49:00.000+10:00

Fantastic Poster found today:

“We wish to advise that due to the current financial restraints, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice”.

[Ode to Degree/Don't look back]

One

Day.

Two

Assignments.

Three

Months.

Four

Years of work

Has come to this.

A degree, a dream, a desire

To always be the best.

And as I sit in the final throes,

I can’t help but think.

It simply doesn’t get better,

Than what I have right now,

This.

[Copyright Turtle, 2007]

Turtle's Archive Favourite Finds

2007-08-31T19:52:00.001+10:00

"Rock Art"

"Backdoor Step"

Paddock near Dunkeld, Victoria, Australia.

"Earth Friendly Car"

"Branch Out"

Bling Bling the cat

Turtle & Mel.

Lauren & Zoe at Aunty Turtle's 21st.

Aunty Turtle with identical twin nieces, Lauren [Middle] and Zoe [right]

The freedom we [don't] know

2007-08-29T16:10:00.000+10:00

So I’m angry at the moment.

Which is probably not the best mood to write a post in, however, let me explain.

I’m sick of the bigotry that exists within our young Christian minds. The absolute belief that you are totally right, and that no matter what anyone says, they’re wrong and in the words of protesters ‘We shall not be moved’.

But what makes me re-ee-eeallly angry is the fact that if you even slightly contest these people, you are put down, shut out, and ostracized. Basically, you are shunned.

Isn’t this all just a little bit of history repeating?

Once, I believed that I was in the generation that was going to change the world. That I’d be a part of the Christian church that was finally, FINALLY going to break down the barriers and act out of love, and concern. To be slow to anger, to finally overcome all the hurt and pain our forebears have caused.

Alas, no.

Once again, we have our young Christians ruled by few, and ignored by many.

What’s wrong with having the openness, the faith that says “I’ve got my foundations, but I’m open to interpreting events, and changing”. Why do we think that God is so small, that the Christian faith is so limited, WHY? Why can’t you just for once see that in fact, most of the time you’re just plain IGNORANT.

So what’s wrong with being homosexual, or living as a de-facto couple? What’s wrong with enlisting in the armed forces? What’s wrong with us that we can’t stand by our brothers and sisters in Christ and just SUPPORT them for once?

Someone, please explain this to me!

Now I know, the bible has a response to all of that. And you can quote scripture at me all day. But it still won’t change the fact that my generation is all about the self. I’m right, they’re wrong and by heck, I’m going to convert them or else.

There’s nothing, NOTHING wrong with being Youth for Christ. But where’s the love? Where?

And what makes you so driven to label? What makes you so limited that you only pursue one side of the story and not the other, so that when a person attempts to explain, you just shoot down each response?

When, WHEN will we finally admit something has to change?

I'd like to hear what you think. Challenge me, confront me, I encourage you to.

God help us all.

Life Lesson #1

2007-08-20T21:58:00.000+10:00

I have a very lovely friend who taught me a big life lesson.

I revealed my true self to her, and she stood there.

I was then terrified that she knew, and pushed her away. I stood, vulnerable before her, and because of this, I gave her hell, and tried to run.

I was incapable of accepting her love for me, because I expected condemnation.

Through all of this, she still stood there, loyal, trusting, copping it.

And she told me that there's nothing I can do to stop her from loving me. And that one day I would accept that.

I was finally able to do that, and now I have the most beautiful, loving, incredibly beautiful friend. I love her dearly.

It is only when we stand before someone, totally exposed, that we learn what love is.

For some, just the thought of that, stops them from ever encountering love. The art of exposure is just simply too hard.

For some, they reveal a little bit. Yet, there continues to be problems in the relationship, because one partner is not totally there.

For some, exposure comes slowly and is respected. The individual is shy, or may have past hurts. Trust is a big issue, and must be earned by the individual so that they can expose themselves. Once trust is gained, a heart is revealed, and love flourishes.

And lastly for some, exposure is a daily occurence and has left a trail. Love has become cheap and readily available, but it's not genuine.

The question is this:

How exposed are you? And is it the right exposure?

Have you asked your partner about how much they expose?

And do you have the patience to learn to love a million times over, on a daily basis?

God is the master of love.

It's simple.

All about me

2007-08-14T15:51:00.001+10:00

I took a couple of personality tests today. Here are the results.

And to be honest, the results don't matter to me. I'm happy with who I am, and what I am becoming. And that, I think, is the most important thing.

A week of pornography, passion and trains

2007-08-09T14:03:00.001+10:00

I’ve had some interesting experiences this week. It’s been a week in which I’ve realized what is really important to me, and the power of the connections we have between us.

I’ve spoken about the pornography source that I have available to me. Keep this in mind as I explain. On Tuesday night, the Radio station was back on the air. This is run by students, across the network- and features music, new, reviews and much more. It just so happened that Tuesday night was the start of a new competition- “Guess that Orgasm”.

This was taken from one student’s pornography collection [about 200 GB worth]. The prize was a ‘Crownie’ [Beer], and I thought to myself, well I may as well have a go. Please note that I simply looked at the file list, and did not at any time download or watch.

A couple of guesses, and I won. Me, the Christian, won the ‘Guess that Orgasm’ competition. And as I went to collect my prize, I decided to point this back to God. Adrian Rowse has just started a fantastic ministry for men seeking to break free from pornography addiction. I encourage you to have a look at The Fight for more information.

Later in the evening, one student began a conversation with me, about a problem he had. He had ‘lost his game’- single and alone, he had a interest in a girl and needed some help to work out what he should do. The amazing thing was, I’ve known this guy for a while, and never thought that I would see this side to him- here’s some of his comments.

"It's at awkward tension stage, you know sitting on the couch, making crap conversation, pretty sure it's working both ways. It's sort of always been like that but it's only now that I'm ready to do anything about it. I've been basically demanded to go on a date with her, she's offering drinks and everything. Nothing's been said along any other lines though".

"I'm not really interested in picking up, really looking for someone who's after a bit more".

"She's been asking and offering heaps of stuff, time for me to do the same thing. She's been hanging out for me to give her something to work with and I've been soft".

The conversation developed over about an hour, and it was truly a blessing to be able to help and attempt to find God in this situation. It became obvious to me that he was looking for assistance from a real, authentic source.

My point is- sometimes there exists a need to not judge people so quickly or put them in boxes. Because an individual will suprise you, and when it comes down to it, we're all looking for the same thing anyway- love and companionship.

Some of us look for it in the wrong places and make ourselves immune to it by over-stimulation, such as pornography. But when it comes down to it, we need to ask ourselves- do I want to skimp on relationships or do I want it to be real? And what kind of person do I need to be in order to accomplish that?

Don't lose your passion and settle for something less. You're not being punished, you just haven't been rewarded yet.

And now on to trains. In a couple of hours I'll be travelling to see my friend for the weekend. Because right now, we just need to see each other. As we approach an incredibly difficult time for her, more than ever we need to draw strength from each other, and I just need to be there.

And it's in those silences, and in the tears that we have found what keeps our friendships strong. Love, unending. We've been through hell together, and yet we both made a promise. To never ever walk away.

God makes the same promise to you and me. He says "It doesn't matter what you do, where you go or who you are. I love you".

So my challenge is to re-connect with those you love- heal the wounds, offer encouragement, talk to your parents. Call that number that's been in your phone for a year. Walk the dog. Commit a random act of kindness.

Because you can either observe or be a part of something real.

Choose life.

The Angel & Patience

2007-08-07T17:30:00.000+10:00

A poem especially for M.

I know it's hard, the days are long

You feel that you can't carry on.

Dragging feet, shouting to the sky-

Just tell me God, why oh why.

The never ending cycle of grief,

Threatens to knock you off your feet.

Discontentment, disconnection,

Days are met filled with rejection.

The pain of answers left untold,

A secret you so dearly hold.

Confusion and uncertainty rings in your head,

Sleep that alludes when you go to bed.

Hurting inside, the scars you bear,

Warning shots of 'Don't go there'

Pain so clearly etched in your words,

Tears and cries of 'It hurts, it hurts'.

It is here I sit, holding your hand,

Whispering 'We'll make it, and you can, you can"

I'd do anything for you, no matter what,

I'll hang out so we can talk.

I'd like to have you as my friend,

To be with you when the rules should bend.

And I'll always love you, true and real,

Remind you that it's okay to feel.

I'll do this all and so much more,

Cause stuff can't be the same as before.

But we can take it on together-

And make this friendship strong, eternal, forever.

Worth 1000 words

2007-08-02T12:00:00.000+10:00

I found a brilliant website today- its called 'stumbleupon'. Well worth checking out.

Whilst looking through some sites I found this. It seems highly appropriate to me.

De-Briefing the IKEA experience.

2007-07-07T15:07:00.002+10:00

This is the story of the amazing and incredible adventures of B & T.

One day, after T turned 21, B asked T what she would like as a present.

T responded that she would like to visit IKEA, as she had never done so.

Being busy little humans, T & B waited for an opportunity to arise when they may spend the time together and travel to the now legendary IKEA.

Renowned for it's posterity and poise, it's convenience and weird overseas designs, IKEA summoned them on this day, the 07/07/07.

T had done her research, (through the IKEA catalogue) and B had a map. They could not fail.

Re-fuelling before they began, they climbed aboard the escalator of excitement and began the journey.

And what a journey it was- through the displays and 'pick it up yourself, we're not employed to help you', glass-eyed and headachey, tired and worn out, with $68 less than she began, T & B finished their journey.

B is wonderful. Love you!

T.

Australian Games Expo & Reflection on the Uni journey

2007-06-15T22:30:00.000+10:00

The Australian Games Expo

Recently, I’ve arrived back from Albury where I worked over the long weekend, at the Australian Games Expo. The Australian Games Expo ran for its second year this year, with a 50% increase in attendance from people all over the world. My employers are shown in the above photo- and yes, I did pack ALL of those games up, and then unpack them later.

Although I didn’t get to see much of the ‘action’ this year, I spent a lovely two days on the door, inventing games such as the ‘rubber band challenge’- (where a target is drawn up, and stuck under the desk, and a rubber band is flicked to gain points) and discussing University and all things life.

I love the opportunities to speak to people from different backgrounds- gamers, pensioners encountering new games for the first time, students, kids, families- there's so much power in board games! Seriously, if you're looking for a new hobby, why not take up board gaming?

This week has also seen a number of events occur: The major movement being the handing in of my final assignment for this semester. I stood at the assignment box for a full 3 minutes after submission with the biggest grin on my face, and now is the wait for results.

I’ve been asked to promote my University at a school I used to attend (for the second time, different school), and was asked to fill in a pre-visit survey. I’d like to share my answers here.

Why did you choose to study at the University instead of working or other options?

I had always known that University would be the pathway that I pursued before settling down and working or any other option. The University had a reputation in the area that I grew up in- many students went on to study there, and it was the advice and experiences they brought back that first jolted my thinking about studying at the University.

As a student, I completed my VCE over three years- I was fast-tracked in year 10, completing 3 year 11 subjects that year. In Year 11, I completed two year 12 subjects. In year 12, I completed 4 subjects. So I guess you could say that I was a ‘gifted & talented student’.

I also had a desire to complete a degree, and get it behind me, because I saw that as the key to a career- that working could not provide me with. I wanted to finish my academic studies and have this as a foundation, before moving on to bigger things.

I was also encouraged by those around me to pursue my academic studies- friends, family and employers saw potential in me that I could not see at that time, and had it not been for their advice and input, I can now say that I would have wasted a brilliant opportunity that I am enjoying and loving every single day of.

Why did you choose the University (e.g. regional location, close to home, size, courses offered, etc.)

First and foremost, it was the reputation the University Bachelor of Education degree had. It’s academic excellence and reputation for producing graduates of distinction was well known, and indeed, I had student teachers teaching me at school from the University.

Secondly, I knew that I didn’t want to study in the city- it just doesn’t suit my personality, or who I am. The University may be a rural university, but it still retains the benefits of a city lifestyle, and balances distances between home and Melbourne, where many of my friends study and live.

Course sizes were another concern- the University prides itself on small class sizes, maximizing the individual’s opportunity. You really felt/feel that people care about you here, and that you aren’t just a number, you are a name.

There were opportunities to establish yourself here, and to really settle down and make the most of the duration of your degree. I love the fact that on Friday night I can drive home in time for tea, yet still return in time for classes on a Monday.

I’ve visited other Universities and they just aren’t the same. There’s something about here that can’t be explained. I feel at home here, like I belong, and like I am connected to the bigger picture. And that may be because it attracts rural students, but I think it’s more to do with the fact that retains the importance of students determining how the University should be run, and what is needed for us to be successful.

At the University you have a voice.

What was your personal transition to Uni like?

It was incredibly hard. I was you and naive, and I was also the first one in my family out of my siblings to go to University. I was 17 years old, in a new town, with people I didn’t know. And I was homesick. I guess it was culture shock, but I had also left my friends and family at home, and I felt alone and terrified.

At that time, the University did not have a mentor program, which I’m so thankful it does now. When I look back on those days, I see that it was the older University students that looked after me on Residence. I had friends that I still have now, that guarded and protected me, but most of all listened and looked after me.

I was fortunate that my peers and family would not allow me to give up, and they supported me through those first seven weeks. Had it not been for the social group and sport that I played/associated with, I do not think that I would be here today.

As I said, the University has been brilliant in implementing the mentor program, of which its importance cannot be underestimated.

What is your social life like as a university student?

Full on! I have had many friends and associates during my University career. My current social life is just as hectic as any other year, although I will admit that many of the people I associate with now are older and in their final year/s as students. Study has put a significant demand on my time, but I still make socialising a priority and it is essential to a well balanced student life.

Moving On [For Beth]

2007-06-06T20:58:00.000+10:00

I know you’re tired and want to be set free,

So I’m writing this for my oh so precious B.

She’s amazing, she’s faithful, and she’s lovely and kind,

B you’re a diamond and a rare, treasured find.

You are there at the start, and there at the end,

You’re there in the challenges, and when there’s need for a friend.

You are there in the celebrations, and there in the tears,

I don’t care that I’ve known you for months, not years.

The amazing B, who’s patient and listens,

Who sings really loud in the car between gear transmissions.

The B with the weird habits, that are totally bizarre,

The girl that amazes me, when we are apart.

You’re there on the phone when the message comes through,

You’re there when I’m tired, downtrodden and blue.

I’ll listen to you when you need an ear,

And remind you that the future is joy, not fear.

Moving on to greater things, is sometimes hard to do.

Changes are happening, and time is running out too.

So when you look in the mirror and ask yourself why,

Look right behind you at you’re totally awesome guy.

Moving on to a greater future,

I can’t imagine anything better.

For my lovely B it is all just beginning,

And I really think, that you’ve got a winner.

For my beautiful B, with her wonderful heart,

Life for you is about to start,

Take time to enjoy it, to smile and pray

And never forget- I love you babe.

When God writes contentment

2007-06-05T20:54:00.000+10:00

This evening I am content.

I am listening to the most awesome album I think I own. It was compiled after a camp I went to back about 5 years ago. It’s got fantastic worship songs on it, and although I couldn’t list all the songs for you, it brings back powerful memories.

I also pulled out the old Paul Colman Trio CD’s. Now that’s memories. I used to listen to these guys every morning while I rode my bike to school, and indeed they got me through some really dark days. Even though I wasn’t a mature Christian, even then I could hear God in music. It was how I used to talk to Him [and still do]- when I couldn’t face Him. Interesting isn’t it?

No matter how many times I turn away from God, He doesn’t hide from me. And what’s amazing is that I have a friend at the moment who does exactly the same thing. As much as I try to hide from her, she doesn’t allow me to.

And when it comes down to it, how many of us do that for our friendships? I’m the first to admit, that I’m totally unworthy of the love and grace that God blesses me with. I can be a real character when I want to be- yet in those dark days, I have people who absolutely refuse to walk away. It amazes me. And it makes me wonder if we need to allow ourselves to open up to real friendship, to allow it to happen?

Personally, I'm trying to let God write my contentment at the moment. I'm pursuing choices that are pleasing to Him, and are for my best interests. And I'm learning to wait. To pause. And to play. If God talks to me through music, then I'm content to let him write my song.

"I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus you're all this heart is living for".

On another note, I was thinking about the following issue:

If you loved someone, that you couldn’t have- would you settle for a secondary person who loves you, or pursue the first relationship?

Does true love win out in the end?

And can true love exist without heartbreak?

And lastly, I was thinking about the lyric from one of these songs of this awesome album:

“I’m going to be a history maker in this world, I’m going to be a speaker of truth for all mankind”.

It really has been a long day!

Let's talk about sex.

2007-06-04T20:25:00.000+10:00

Let’s talk about sex.

Sex. Three individual letters, abbreviated, with a multiplicity of meanings and interpretations.

Sex. The act of intercourse between two people, in a loving or unloving relationship.

Sex. Flung at us day in, day out on the television, radio, and internet, with all it’s connotations.

From The Age today:

"Instead of pornography or performative sexuality being one choice among many ways of being sexual, it's essentially become the standard of sexiness," says Simon. "It's also the standard by which a man or woman is a prude, depending on how much they embrace that kind of sexuality."

You can find the rest of the article here

I’m a prude.

But- I’m proud of it.

Today I would like to talk about sex, and pornography. And I would like to say from the start, that I will not be focusing on the ethics of this debate, but rather will try to discuss this in an open, respectful way. I acknowledge that many people will not want to discuss or read this, so, before I start, I invite you to hit that x in the corner of your screen if you so desire.

Recent conversations for me have focused on pornography. This was a result of conversations about relationships, and the Christian relationship where it is well documented that sex before marriage is a sin. However, did you know that the bible actually supports marriage if sexual temptation becomes a major issue for a couple? You can check that out, along with the definition of love that I live by, here.

I’ve talked before about living on student residences. This is my fourth year here, and we have a system run by students that allows us to share files across the many halls. This network is open to anybody, and there are no rules as to what can be shared.

As a result of ‘no rules’, I have access to over 100 GB of pornography at any given moment. And, as I write this, I’m listening to the sounds of my housemates watching pornography in a room with at least 5 people in it. Now I'm not interested. The thought of the whole thing just makes me want to 'meow' at it.

In the four years that I have been living here, I have NEVER knowingly downloaded pornography from that network. However, this weekend, that changed. I downloaded one of the latest movies that had been labeled, knowingly, as the wrong thing. Where I thought I would be watching a movie about pirates, I unknowingly opened a pornography video.

As I closed this and deleted it, I thought this would be the end. Not so. A day later, sitting in my room studying, the sounds of the same pornography drifted up the corridor. I ignored it for an hour and then walked down to my housemate’s room to ask her to turn it off. Instead, I was greeted by her and 2 friends, watching this, for entertainment. Not for sexual purposes, but entertainment.

And what struck me most is that there is no connection with these films. No ‘loving’ connection, just simply acting, and basically, using another person for your own gratification. And perhaps it’s me, but I just fail to understand the attraction of this- not because I’m a Christian, but because in all honesty, I don’t understand. From what I experienced, it’s all about ‘me’ in the ‘moment’.

Where is the respect and honesty for another individual? Why is it okay to treat them like a meat-tray?

That’s so contrary to what God said. And I can’t say this objectively, because it sounds like I’m judging. I’m honestly not trying to. But my God said that sex is a wonderful thing, for a loving couple. And after experiencing all this- I can honestly say, I’d rather have that connection than a life lived emptily through such films.

Hi, Hello, Who are you?

2007-06-03T14:20:00.000+10:00

I'm starting this off in the hope that each visitor I get will comment.

Since I put a counter and a world map on my blog, I've been able to track where you- yes, YOU, come from. I see you!

But I don't actually know anything about you. I don't know where you're from, what you're interests are, or how you got here. And I'd really like to know that, if you'd like to share!

Please take the time to introduce yourself if you haven't already, and meet some others that drop by my humble abode.

So here's some questions for you:
- Who are you?
- Where are you?
- What do you do?
- How did you get here?

And anything else that you would like to share!

I'll start:

I'm Turtle, a 21 year old student in her 4th and final year of University. I'm studying a Bachelor of Education, but I'm also a daughter, sister, aunty and friend. I live in a small town in Victoria, Australia, for 9 months of the year whilst I study.

I made this blog a year ago, in an effort to see what blogging is all about. And ever since then, I've met new people around the world through their blogs, and learned more about my friends and other individuals.

I also enjoy challenging myself to use my mouse left handed in an effort to become ambidextrous.

My self-absorption and What I'm

2007-06-01T14:43:00.000+10:00

I was reading on another blog last night about the individuals vision for their blog. This person stated as an objective that they would “Avoid as much reference to me as possible because I consider it self absorbed”[Abridged Turtle version]. Note, this person probably wouldn’t ever visit my blog…

Fair point. My blog is self-absorbed. However, it’s never claimed not to be. And whilst you may not want to read about my life and problems, I believe very strongly that there’s a power to my story, my life that God is using to impact and assist others. It may not be you right now, but maybe one day it will.

And I hope that I too, can learn and be inspired by your blogs! Please don’t take you out of the picture, I enjoy you too much!

So here’s to my self-absorbed blog! To the honesty and reality of life in the good, bad and ugly times.

Now on to the “What I’m” which has featured on a few other blogs I visit-

Reading:

Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell.

And the band played on- Randy Shilts.

Operation Red Jericho- Joshua Mowll.

Various literature for Uni- Education and the arts, Standardised testing, the classroom experience.

Listening to:

Keith Urban- Days go by [reflecting uni at the moment]

Goo Goo Dolls, David Gray, Switchfoot. Random songs here and there, media player just does it’s thing and I listen.

Watching:

This is a good one as I watch a lot of things. I watch an episodes when I write assignments, and also as a form of relaxation.

- An inconvenient truth- watching this on and off at the moment.

- Whose line is it anyway? (Just got 7 seasons of this)

- House- finishing the season.

-Lost- WOW! Can’t wait for the next season.

- Mythbusters, Love My Way season 2, Pirates of the Caribbean: At worlds end, Jericho.

Loving:

- My friends, particularly those that have just been absolute champions supporting me at the moment.

- The gloves my mum just sent me. Knitted them herself she did.

- Beechworth Bakery for responding to my feedback and giving me 4 free coffee vouchers!

On fire when you're near me: The amazing adventures of the incredible and fantastic mental Mel

2007-06-01T14:40:00.000+10:00

Back Story:

Today has been a good day for a number of reasons- but actually my good day started last night. A good friend, B sent me a really nice, needed to hear it e-mail and then sent me to bed. Normally I wouldn’t go to bed at 7.30 ish, but when B speaks, you do it. So I did. And whilst I couldn’t get to sleep and watched some random episodes, it was actually really nice to have permission to have the night off. I eventually drifted off to sleep at around 1 am, and then this happened.

Today:

Mel rings me at 10 am. I answer the phone, well aware that I sound exactly like I have just woken up, which I had. Mel is upset at her IT assignment and needs to talk. Stressed and worried, she went on to describe the problem, how frustrating it was, and how she was at her wits end about it, and the fact that it was due today. I know this doesn’t sound like much- however Mel is one of the hardest workers I know.

When things go wrong, Mel looks for a solution. And she will approach everyone she knows to help her. Having followed standard procedure for her problem solving, she had hit a brick wall.

There’s a time and a place for rationality. When you have a stressed, tired student on the end of the phone, it’s not the time or place to say things like ‘It will be okay’ or ‘don’t worry about it’. Rather, it’s better just to listen and give that person time.

Anyway, this goes on for a couple of minutes, with me trying to listen and help and then she says “I’m the only one in the lab and the IT building (across the way) is on fire. I can see several fire trucks, but no one’s come to tell me what to do”.

Queue me collapsing laughing/ freaking out. One of Mel’s sayings is “If I can make a mountain out of a molehill, imagine what I can make out of a mountain!”

I’ve heard of mind over matter, but I didn’t think that setting the IT building on fire mentally, justified IT assignment frustration- but I’m rather impressed at Mel’s new superpowers.

Moral of the story: When dealing with assignment frustration, implement mind over matter! Perhaps if you really try, you too can set a building on fire!

Week 12, Semester One, Final year.

2007-05-31T18:52:00.000+10:00

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”- John Lennon.

Assignment update:

Wednesday rising: 10:30 am.

Wednesday bedtime: 3.00 am.

Thursday rising: 6 am.

Thursday bedtime: Yet to be determined.

[And that was just one assignment].

Apologies for the lack of inspirational posts of late- life has been incredibly demanding. It’s that time of the year again. Coke, energy drinks, and whatever else gets you through. There are no rules, except for one: never ever push a burnt out, stressed and fraught University student.

Knowing that this is the second last busy time for me at University gives me some comfort when I can’t see the end of the road. It reminds me that I’m nearly there, that from here on in becomes an exciting but scary time of my life. Yet that comfort is currently overshadowed by the demands on my time, and the knowledge that I will yet have to endure another week of late bedtimes, early rising and sleep depravity.

The last few days have seen me working flat out on an assignment for today. I spent over 12 hours on it, and finally, at 5pm today I was done. Result: 19/20.

I talked recently about feeling as if life was static. And about the frustration of not knowing why God seems to have turned his back, of feeling like a loser in the winners. I think God had something to say on that.

Mel made a passing comment to me: “Maybe its [blessings] not in an expected form”. She was right. Throughout my University career, I’ve always been able to get top marks. Due to a lot of hard work, but also charm, I’m proud to say that I do well. Yet as I get increasingly fraught and freaked out at next year, God continually takes care of the here and now.

This assignment was a good example. It doesn’t sound like much, but I managed to get up at 6 am. Start my debate. Go to my 8:30 tutorial, and then suddenly I could write. Within 2 hours it was done. Then, I made it through my 2:30 lecture, and through the presentation. No mean feat. And, that mark is not mine, it’s God.

Mel also once commented that I always seem to make it by the seat of my pants. I think I can change that. I always make it by the grace of God. So my blessings aren’t huge. They aren’t things that rock other people’s worlds. But they’re things that make my parents proud, and re-inforce that I am His, and He made me perfectly.

And the biggest blessing God gave and continues to give me, is the tenacity to keep fighting for this degree, no matter what is thrown at me. And I’ve been to hell and back, and every day is another battle. He gave me a family and friends that always, always stand there supporting me, even when I’m totally unlovable.

But most of all, God never gives me a lecture. He just whispers in my ear- “You’re going to make it kid, you’re going to make it”.

So this is my wisdom: If you’re feeling stationery. If you’re feeling abandoned. If you’re feeling insecure. If you’ve just had enough. Give it a bit more time. Get angry, cry, react, because God will hear it. Blessings aren’t always big things. Sometimes it’s the little things we take for granted. But God is never ever still. Instead he tells us: Be still and know that I AM GOD.

[Static]

2007-05-30T17:22:00.000+10:00

[Static]

I feel invisible.
See the people pass me by.
I feel silenced, alone
And I can't tell you why.

I'm slipping down that path again,
The one that's now so well worn.
I'm going to the hated place,
Alone and without friends.

I'm hating every single day.
Knowing this is life,
I'm sick and tired of this reality.
Makes me run, and flee.

Someone tell me that this is all okay.
Or that you will listen,
I knot it's shit, I know it's self-centered,
But I just need you to stay.

To hear what it is I'm saying,
And not tell me it's jealousy.
I'm so desperate just to hear,
That one day I'll be free.

Terrified, not knowing, I just wish,
Sometimes I could be heard-
And not judged for feeling,
That my life was something other than this.

Don't give me a lecture,
Or tell me I'm wrong.
Don't tell me to pray,
Or to get in touch with God.
Tell me how to get out of this hole,
To get what I want
And finally be able to say-
Great blessings came my way.

Procrastination Justification [or "Why I just can't do it today"]

2007-05-29T14:41:00.001+10:00

I found this list today on Keri Smith's blog- The Wish Jar. It's an excellent blog.

This list was taken from the "Fun" section.

Procrastination Justification [or "Why I just can't do it today"]

The weather is good.
I feel creatively stuck.
I need to recharge.
I'll be more inspired at a cafe.
I need to do some research.
I don't have the right materials.
I'm not inspired by my workspace.
I hurt my finger.
The client is ___________
Hemingway did it.
I didn't sleep well last night.
I need caffeine to function.
I need to let the ideas gestate.
I don't have a deadline.
I work best under pressure.
I got my period.

A tired, stressed and worn Turtle found this to very appropriate and wishes to advise her readers that she will be implementing many of these excellent reasons immediately.

Turtle also thinks that it's slightly funny that she so many reasons on this list apply to her current situation!

Musically Turtle is enjoying the current rhythms of Deep Forest. She advises that this is excellent study music.

Turtle becomes famous (or the wonderful adventures of Oholibamah MacGinty)

2007-05-28T17:06:00.000+10:00

I've posted about my friend Melissa before, but this is a special post.

Mel asked me awhile back to feature in her assignment for Uni- she had to make a website that required certain elements, and it had to feature media.

She then turned to me, Turtle aka Oholibamah MacGinty, to help her out. Yes, Turtle has an alter ego. A very special alter ego!

Now Mel told me that I could embed the video here, but I think that she should have all my readers go to her site. She deserves that. Please take the time to follow the link and enjoy a laugh, as we had so much fun making it.

Have a look at her site- and at the video. I promise you will laugh your head off! And if you want, leave some comments here for her, or for me.

You can look at the site here

Love T

Book of the moment: Velvet Elvis- Repainting the Christian Faith.

2007-05-27T19:36:00.001+10:00

I’m reading a book at the moment called “Velvet Elvis- Repainting the Christian faith”- by Rob Bell. And for the first time, I’m reading a book that I’m constantly surprised by, challenged by and have ‘aha’ moments with. For the first time I’m not being told that my thinking is wrong, or that my faith isn’t in line with the requirements of the Christian church. It’s amazing, liberating and truly inspirational.

The following is a chapter from Velvet Elvis- please note that this book is copyrighted, and I have fully referenced this book at the bottom.

Logos:

Do you know anybody who grew up in a religious environment, maybe a Christian one, and walked away from faith/church/God when they turned eighteen and went away to college?

Whenever I ask this question in a group of people, almost every hand goes up. Let me suggest why. Imagine what happens when a young woman is raised in a Christian setting but hasn’t been taught that all things are hers and then goes to a university where she’s exposed to all sorts of new ideas and views and perspectives. She takes classes in psychology and anthropology and biology and world history, and her professors are people who have devoted themselves to their particular fields of study. Is it possible that in the course of lecturing on their field of interest, her professors will from time to time say things that are true? Of course. Truth is available to everyone.

But lets say that her professors aren’t Christians, it is not a “Christian” university and this young woman hasn’t been taught all things are hers. What if she has been taught that Christianity is the only thing that’s true? What if she has been taught that there is no truth outside the bible? She’s now faced with this dilemma: believe the truth she’s learning or the Christian faith she was brought up with.

Or we could put her dilemma this way: Intellectual honesty or Jesus?

How many times have you seen this? I can’t tell you the number of people in their late teens or early twenties I know, or those I have been told about, who experience truth outside the boundaries of their religion and abandon the whole thing because they think it’s a choice (which is a fatal flaw in thinking we’ll address in a moment). They’re experiencing truth in all sorts of new ways, and they need a faith that’s big enough to handle it. Their box is getting blown apart, and the faith they were handed doesn’t have room for what they are learning.

But it isn’t a choice, because Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life”. If you come across truth in any form, it isn’t outside your faith as a Christian. Your faith just got bigger. To be a Christian is to claim truth wherever you find it.

Bell, R. (2005). Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian faith. Zondervan Publishing: Michigan.

Like I said- I’ve found this book truly inspirational and liberating. I thought my faith wasn’t good enough. Now I know that my faith is mine, it’s true, it’s tested and most of all, it’s big enough for a real relationship with God.

The Art Journal Journey and a request for help

2007-05-25T11:34:00.000+10:00

I've decided to share a few of my Art Journal pages that I have completed so far. There's a back story to this- I'm currently stuck on a page entitled "100 things to do with Art". This lead me to contact Steve and now Eric to see if they could help me out.

The idea is to have a page with 100 things to do in Art- currently I have "100 things to draw" but I'd love some more ideas- e.g. 100 things to paint, make, techniques to try (the idea is to use them as classroom activities).

I would really really love some help on this- all ideas will be acknowledged by the original owner.

I started off with using coloured paper for the backgrounds to my entries, now I'm onto watercolour- I love the feel and how vibrant the colours are. Although I may not be as talented as others, I'm doing my best. And I want to thank Eric and Steve for all the inspiration they have provided so far.

I'd love some feedback on what I've posted, or if you have any ideas on my 100 things, that would be fantastic as well.

Sleeping around

2007-05-24T20:41:00.000+10:00

So there’s been a few blog posts on my mind lately. The most interesting one was the result of a conversation I had with Mel the other night about sleeping habits. In particular it was about where people sleep when they share a bed- ie. Girl on the right side, boy on the left or vice versa.

Apparently, in times gone by, it was traditional for a male to sleep on the side nearest the door. It has to do with ‘protecting a woman’ if somebody was to intrude- they would be able to react first. But nowdays, it’s more typical for a woman to sleep on the side with the door- because of the increasing numbers of woman in the workforce, and because equal status has FINALLY been recognised after the feminists worked so hard for it [you go girl, I’m with you!].

Now I’m not going to tell you my sleeping habits, or Mel's but I then asked her what happens if you are sleeping in a new situation where the door is on the opposite wall of your regular pattern. Let’s take an example:

Jo and Chris have been married for 6 months. Since they began married life, Jo has taken to sleeping on the right side of the bed, nearest the door. Chris sleeps on the left.

One day, Jo and Chris go to visit their parents. At the parents place the door is on the left side of the room, nearest to where Chris would sleep.

My question: Does Jo then sleep on the left side for the duration of the visit? Or does she sleep on the left?

Mel also raised the point that it would be weird because say you like to ‘spoon’- or cuddle- would that then mean that Jo would fall out of bed because she cuddles Chris on the left side, and has that barrier? Or would Jo then sleep on the left side of the bed and have Chris cuddle her from the right side?

I’d really appreciate some comments on this question- I’m asking you- my readers, to help me out. I’d like to hear about you’re sleeping habits/experiences (just the sleeping, not the sex) and what you think Jo and Chris would do in this situation, or indeed, if this has happened to you.

You see, it’s questions like this that I don’t know the answer to- and I’m really interested. And don’t think that you single folk out there can’t respond- tell me how you sleep. Tummy, side, back..

I start off on my back, and usually wake up facing the door on my right side, on my side in the morning.

I’d love to hear from you!

21 years [For Mel on her 21st birthday]

2007-05-24T11:30:00.001+10:00

21 Years [Dedicated to Melissa for her 21st birthday today- 24th May, 2007].

She’s stubborn, she’s cool, and always a laugh,

She is there in the good times and there when it’s hard.

She is constant, amazing, and downright stubborn.

But Mel’s always been constant in her Godly loving.

She’s impatient and practical, and has to win,

If she doesn’t she gets cranky- accept it, it’s her thing.

Determined and driven, she works in pursuit,

Mel you’re passionate, proud, do it on your time when it suits.

She drives me insane, makes me laugh, and yes, cry.

She never judges, but wants to know why.

She waits for an answer, steady and sure.

You know you can always turn up at her door.

She’s there when there’s laughter, good times to be had,

She hides her emotions, but sometimes it’s bad.

She loves everyone, and her faith is rock solid.

She’s the friend that you want, when you’re decrepit and old.

When the tough it gets going, there Mel will be,

Telling me: “Look, I did it, come see!”.

And if she can make mountains out of molehills, imagine,

What her molehill looks like when she’s adapted.

How can I tell you, what Mel means to me,

She’s precious and pretty, and she helps you to see.

Mel, you’ve shared so much with me, and others as well,

I’m here to tell you, that we think you’re pretty cool.

You make us prouder each day that you work in this world,

I’m just waiting for those wings that you have to unfurl.

So you can take off, and find life somewhere else,

Experience things, different but surprising as well.

So happy 21^st to a girl with a heart,

Bigger than most, that will tear you apart.

To a girl that means more than words can describe,

To a girl that’s emerging, growing, from inside.

To my dear Mel, this is to say,

Today I wish you happiness, peace and a great day.

I’m thinking of you, with tears in my eyes.

And I’m praising God- for you, the ever-changing Mel who always surprises.

The whirlwind of wisdom, engagements, parties and family.

2007-05-23T18:16:00.000+10:00

“Update your blog” – Jonny.

The last few weeks have seen a whirlwind of activities in my life. Heading home for my 21^st birthday, and to spend time with my brother & sister in law to be, and their 3 year old twin identical twin girls. It’s also seen me travelling from one end of the state to the other (approx 8 hours each way) to attend my friend Melissa’s 21^st (tomorrow!) party.

How does one describe catching up with family after a long absence? Our house has never seen that many people in a long time, and there was many a time that I was wishing that I could have my personal space back. But that thought was abolished when I would wake up the morning to see two little faces peering around my door, or hopping on to my lap for a cuddle. I’d forgotten what it was like to be in constant demand- and what it is to look after a young child. Living where we do, on 10 acres, you would no sooner turn your back and one of the girls had disappeared.

It was fantastic to be able to spend time with my family and friends. I found the 21^st a bit overwhelming if I’m honest- I’ve realized that I don’t really like having the spotlight on me for long periods of time. But to have everyone I love in the one place at the one time was an amazing experience, and I really enjoyed myself. The same night also saw the engagement of my brother and sister (to be, in law). I’ve also found out that in September, I will have a nephew- I knew the baby would be arriving but I didn’t know the sex.

Then, when that all died down, it was off to the other end of the state. Mel’s party had more people at it, and it was a fantastic night. I was having a really good time until I was asked to arrange the games by her mum…of which I accepted. So here’s me, up the front of 60 people, selling “Extreme pass the parcel” and “Pin the tail on the dinosaur”…let’s just say that I had about 40 people playing pass the parcel, of which I won (I wasn’t meant to!) and the kids really enjoyed pin the tail on the dinosaur- the highlight of which was spinning Mel around 21 times before letting her have a turn!

So yesterday, was back to Uni. It also marked my first panic attack, which scared the living daylights out of me. I was also sick- I felt off, and spent yesterday in bed with bad nausea and throwing up a couple of times, headache and aching limbs. I seem to have recovered today, I think it was just my body telling me that I was utterly exhausted. The overdue assignment is done, and even though there’s 6 more to do till the end of the semester, I can relax for oh…2 days!

I have so much more to tell you, but for the moment this is it.

Take care, love passionately and laugh wholeheartedly.

On turning 21

2007-05-14T21:52:00.000+10:00

As of today, I'm officially 21. That's right, 21 years ago, I was born at precisely 9.26 am in the morning. My mum didn't know I was going to be a girl. My name was picked by a nurse out of a hat. And apparently my Dad to this day has never come home quicker from work to be there.

The last week has been spent with my immediate family, and friends. There was a party on Saturday. Today was an anti-climax. But I'm still 21.

So here's six unique gifts I got for my birthday:
1. A beautiful gold key brooch, with pearls.
2. A personalised signet ring.
3. A voucher for my favourite games shop.
4. A hand made card, by my best mate- there is a turtle that spins in it.
5. Two wonderful kisses and hugs and exclamations of "Its your birthday today- you turned 3" from my identical twin neices.
6. A whole lot of love.

And..lastly I got 45 visitors to my blog since I've been away- a wonderful present. I see you world! Know that I did notice your location- WOW!

And on a more personal note, cheers to all my mates for spending the last 21 years with me. For your support and love, and so much more in between. I am truly humbled. More stuff to come, I promise!

Love, T

Six things: Days till my 21st Birthday

2007-05-09T14:57:00.000+10:00

So today marks 6 days till my 21st birthday- a good chance to share some of my favourite memories from the last 20 years!

Six favourite memories:

1. Playing cops and robbers with my brothers on our bikes.
I grew up living just out of town, and our road was gravel with hardly any traffic. Thus, we never lived in fear of being hit by a car, and played like we owned the road.

2. Spending all day at the library.
Growing up, as the youngest it meant that I had a lot of freedom. I would go out to the 'black steam train' or to the library, or out with my friends and Mum would never be concerned about me. Keep in mind that this was in the days before mobile phones- we had 40c in our pocket to call home! We only had one rule- we had to be home before 5pm, and if we weren't, I had to call home and inform Mum where I was.

3. Camping with friends. As I got older, I was allowed to go on Christian camps with friends. The most memorable one involved meeting people I never had, spending 5 awesome days with them, and then another 4 afterwards in Melbourne. It was a lovely time. Other's include going bush just with my mate, and random 'grab the swag' gatherings.

4. The day that my identical twin nieces- Zoe and Lauren were born. They remain my whole world- I just love the fact that they're adorable and they're mine (kind of!). And I get to see them today and I haven't seen them in a whole year! Yay for spending time with 3 year olds!

5. Meeting my brother when he came back from the war in Iraq. A very emotional, and raw day. I'll expand this to any time that I've been able to meet his ship- I love my big bro very much. Everyone always jokes that I need a box of tissues when he comes home! My brother and I don't see each other much, but I've always known that he was there for me, no matter what.

And finally, number six:
6. Growing up surrounded by loving family and friends
You have always encouraged me to be myself, and to be happy. To those that have stuck by me in the good and bad times, to those that have hung around for years- you make my life an amazing journey that is always guaranteed to be a good time. Thank you for your love, your prayers, and your blessings.

And a final note: I am going home today for my party this weekend- so this blog may not be active for several days- up to a week.

I want to say a big shout out to all those that have stopped and read this blog- readers from all over the world, that although may not leave a comment, come back time and time again. It makes my day to find that I've got a reader from every continent, and so many different countries. I hope that you continue to find something to inspire, to challenge and to share with others around you- I feel honored that you continue to support me!

Peace and love to all those out there in cyberspace and the world!
Love Turtle

Six things: Relient K

2007-05-08T21:29:00.000+10:00

As my friend Jonny so kindly pointed out, I neglected to mention Relient K as one of the best Christian bands. So this blog is just for him.

6 of the best Relient K songs:
1. When I go down.
2. Come right out and say it.
3. Balloon ride.
4. Be my escape.
5. The one I'm waiting for.
6. For the moments I feel faint.

6 of the best things about Relient K:
1. The lead singer is hot.
2. The have awesome wallpapers on their website.
3. The drums are a huge feature of their songs.
4. They sing about real issues- not just "God is great, sing His praise" but rather "Life can suck, but God makes it sweet instead of sour".
5. The songs carry real messages, with hope.
6. They make you want to dance like no-one's watching, sing like no-one can hear you, and intensely seek God out.

Things I've done

2007-05-07T10:23:00.000+10:00

Found this on another blog- Didn't do too badly!

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candle-lit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Called in sick when you were not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favourite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states of USA
50. Loved your job for a little while there
51. Taken care of someone who was shitfaced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbed
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky dived
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records/CDs
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba dived
75. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favour of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Ridden a gondola in Venice
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Made cookies from scratch
101. Gotten a tattoo Henna
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Been mistaken for someone famous
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a cheque
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favourite childhood toy
128. Followed your favourite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start
134. …more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone’s heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents .

Six things (Continued)

2007-05-06T16:51:00.000+10:00

Today's Six Things relates to Music. I have 20 GB worth of music, so narrowing it down was hard! I would love some suggestions for future musical direction, and your comments on my list- why not add yours?

Six albums I love:
1. Life in Slow Motion- David Gray.
2. 9- Damien Rice.
3. Let Love In- Goo Goo Dolls.
4. Hearts of the Innocent- Kutless.
5. Live at the national theatre- My friend the chocolate cake.
6. Ministry of Sound 2007- Ministry of Sound.

Six of the best Christian Bands:
1. Third Day.
2. Paul Colman Trio.
3. The Lads.
4. Switchfoot.
5. Casting Crowns.
6. Number One Gun.

Six of the best artists:
1. Dashboard Confessional.
2. DJ Tiesto.
3. Joseph Arthur.
4. Green Day.
5. John Lennon.
6. Pink Floyd.

A life lived splintered

2007-05-05T19:11:00.000+10:00

"It's impossible to win the race when someone keeps moving the finish line"

This post is a kind of choose your own adventure.

You're given a box. It's sealed. And you are told to never ever open it. That if you do, God will know. So it sits there in front of you.

You're also given the rules of life. You must fulfill the requirements of living a life according to these rules, however there are certain things that you are not allowed to do. They are in the box.

Most people, if they know the rules and obey them, there will be no need to open the box.

But then a situation comes along, and it requires them to open the box. They know it's wrong. That God will know they've opened the box. And that there will be consequences. But at this point in time, the person is desperate, and they need what's in the box.

Also, if they take what is in the box and use it, there will be condemnation from society. From peers, friends, and family. They will all give you an opinion on the fact that you didn't need the box in the first place. And how you could have acted.

What happens to me and my box? There it sits in front of me. I know the rules. I know God knows what I am doing. He knows that I have opened that box. But I also know that I was meant to open the box, and I'm confused as to why God gave me the box in the first place.

I also know that the thing I have 'chosen' is leading to a direct breaking of the rules. But I don't feel like I chose it in the first place. That I always had this object, even when I couldn't see the box. And I know that if I live the life away from the box, it is a lie. If I choose the life with the box, I am the living dead.

What do I do?

And is it fair that I judge the others around me that broke the rules?